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If you are reading this, then you are probably either thinking of filing for divorce — or have a feeling that your spouse may be filing for divorce — whether you want to separate or not.

One of the common questions that an individual going through the divorce process asks is “What is a Divorce Mediation?”

Mediation is a process which allows both you and your spouse to maintain control over your destiny and the terms of your divorce settlement. Both parties and attorneys attend either a four-hour or eight-hour mediation, depending on the complexity of your case.

Is the Mediator a Lawyer?

Although some mediators are social workers, most commonly the mediator is a lawyer who acts as a neutral person to help you settle your case.

How is the Mediator Chosen?

The mediator is chosen and agreed upon by the attorneys. Every Family Law attorney has a “short list” of competent mediators who specialize in family law with whom we are familiar, whose style we are comfortable with, and who we have found to be effective, particularly considering the individual aspects of your specific case.

What is the Role of the Mediator?

The role of the mediator is to facilitate an agreement between the parties to prevent the necessity for a trial.

Can What I Say Be Used Against Me Later?

Everything said during mediation is confidential. The mediator cannot be made to testify in court if a settlement is not reached. The mediator will only report one of two things: “settlement”: or “no settlement”.

Further, you and your attorney will advise the mediator what you do or do not want shared with your spouse and your spouse’s attorney!

How Does This Work Exactly?

Procedurally, you and your attorney will remain in one room, while your spouse and his or her attorney stays in a separate room. The mediator travels from room to room conveying each side’s offer and/or counteroffer.

Sometimes, the parties mediate by all being in the same room together. This is common if your mediation is taking place at a county dispute resolution center.

Law Office of Marilyn Gale Vilyus
Attorney/ Mediator
16151 Cairnway Drive Ste. 210
Houston, TX 77084
281-550-6650
http://www.westhoustonattorney.com

Not certified by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization.

This article is designed for general information only. This information is not intended to be legal advice. Consult an attorney for before making any legal decisions based on your individual circumstances.

Marilyn Gale Vilyus is a Houston Lawyer focussing on Texas family law, child support, child custody, and divorce mediation.

Getting the right type of divorce advice depends on what type of divorce advice you want and what you want to use it for. When looking for divorce advice, it is smart to clearly define what you are seeking the advice for so you can be sure to look in the right places.

Seems simple enough right?

Yes, but…lots of people who are deciding about divorce and seeking divorce advice lump the categories of divorce advice into one, and that’s a big mistake. You should seek divorce advice from different types of places for the different types of advice that you need. Certainly there’s more types of divorce advice categories, but here’s a partial list:

Divorce advice type 1:

Legal advice for getting a divorce when you are sure that you want a divorce, no matter how tough it will be to get that divorce.

When asking for this type of divorce advice while meeting with an attorney, you may be asked if you’re certain that you actually do want a divorce…if you do, don’t waver, stick to your decision. It makes sense to have a good idea of all of the parts of your life, family and materials, that could be affected or sought after. You want to have your facts, account names, timelines, etc., in mind when meeting with the attorney so that your discussion is maximized.

Divorce advice type 2:

Legal advice for getting a divorce when you are almost sure that you want a divorce, but want to make sure that the financial considerations are in order or that health of your children won’t suffer in the long run.

When asking for this type of divorce advice, you may want to consider seeking the advice of an attorney or financial planner for the financial considerations and a counselor experienced in family matters for the impact that a divorce might have on your children. The point is, split the two concerns up so that you get the chance to speak to 2 different people who specialize in each area so that you will get the appropriate divorce advice.

Divorce advice type 3:

Legal advice for getting a divorce in a case that is relatively simple and will be a clean break, no financial or other family considerations to take into account for the divorce.

This is perhaps the easiest type of divorce advice to get because it infers that you have already made the decision from an emotional standpoint and really don’t have any other considerations of deep concern. When seeking this type of divorce advice, you most likely have limited financial considerations, a prenuptial agreement, or the situation itself as amenable to everyone and you just need someone to do the paperwork.

Divorce advice type 4:

Legal and/or counseling advice regarding whether or not divorce is right for you from a psychological, emotional and financial perspective.

When asking for this type of divorce advice, you may want to consider seeking the advice of an attorney or financial planner for the financial considerations and a counselor experienced in Clinical Psychology and “personal-life” coaching for the impact that a divorce might have on you. Again, the point is, split the two concerns up so that you get a chance to speak to 2 different people who specialize in each area so that you will get the appropriate divorce advice.

Divorce advice type 5:

Counseling for emotional support when deciding whether or not you really want a divorce or are just unhappy in your marriage due to a marriage problem.

This type of divorce advice is crucial to your happiness because when you’re in an emotional state, it is tough to make lucid and rational decisions. And, if you’re wrestling with deciding whether or not to get a divorce (purely from an emotional perspective), you should do all you can to make a logical decision because how you approach this decision and the affects afterwards can be long lasting and far reaching. If you’re are struggling with finding divorce advice, you may want to talk to friends, counselors, even other family members.

But, my divorce advice to you is, do it yourself.

I’m not saying don’t talk with friends, counselors, and possibly family. What I am suggesting is that you reach the final decision of whether to get a divorce on your own, you have to live with it, no one else. The answer is inside you, you just have to get it out in a logical manner.

Whatever type of divorce advice you need, be sure that you’re directing your energies in the right direction. If you don’t separate the emotional aspects from the legal aspects of divorce advice, you might end up confused and unable to get the most out of any meeting you may have with an attorney or marriage counselor. At the end of the day, you should control your own destiny and make a smart decision based on logic, controlled emotion, and forward thinking.

Author of “A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce”, the eBook recommended by counselors to thier clients. Proven “Actions Items” to help you decide!

deciding on divorce
divorce advice

1. Become educated on all aspects of Divorce. Reading the various websites available on divorce is an excellent start. Read every document available. Complicated subjects always deserve a second reading. Then, read your State Statutes on divorce. You will find they are written in almost-plain English and are understandable to the average person. State Statutes can be found by entering your state and the word statutes in most search engines. Look for anything that sounds like “marriage” or “domestic relations.”

2. Buy books on Divorce. Generic divorce books are a good start and will give you a good overview. But they will not completely do the job. Every state has different laws and requirements for divorce. So you need to look for a divorce book that specializes on your state divorce laws. Check local bookstores or online bookstores. But be aware: laws change and books become quickly outdated. That will not present a problem as long as you use the book for general education.

3. Take the “high road” during your divorce. Behave perfectly, beginning now. Cooperate with your spouse on arrangements for children. Do not waste, destroy, or hide assets. Take on the appearance of a “saint.” You will be happier, more relaxed, and less destructive to your family and assets. Most important of all, the spouse that takes the “high road” always does better in a divorce trial. Judges like to see you take the “high road.”

4. Use your newly gained knowledge and plan two possible outcomes: your best possible outcome and your worst possible outcome. Be realistic and put it in writing.

5. Use your knowledge of your spouse. Try to imagine what is going through your spouses mind. Make an educated guess and write down what sort of outcomes your spouse might pick. Come up with a best and worst outcome that you imagine your spouse would come up with.

6. With four possible outcomes on paper, you now have an overview of the battlefield. Using that information, see if you can work out a combination of give and take that approximates “best” outcomes for both spouses. It doesn’t need to be perfect but you should try your best. When done, you have a powerful plan that will help you in negotiations.

7. Be involved in your divorce. Actively negotiate with a goal of peaceful settlement. Don’t use destructive techniques. They only look bad for you at trial time. And never be afraid to ask your attorney questions. This is your divorce and you have to live with the result. The well-informed person will always come out ahead.

8. Last, become an expert on every word printed on legal papers and pleadings. Ask your attorney, look up definitions in books, or ask other experienced people. Don’t assume anything. This is your life – not your attorney’s life. Treat this situation like it is the most important event of your life. Again, the well-informed person will always come out ahead.

Copyright 2005 The Divorce Center P.A.

Howard Iken is a Divorce Attorney practicing divorce law in Tampa Florida. You can find out more about Tampa Divorce Courts by visiting Tampa Florida Divorce Court

More information on general Divorce issues can be found at Tampa Florida Divorce Attorney

You can lose your soul mate due to many circumstances that are within and out of your control. Many believe that destiny is your master and you are a pawn in the hands of this invincible force. And since even death is a temporary separation in the concept of soul mates, you can find your lost soul mate again in another current life. Your lost soul mate can come to you again in the body of a child or even a dog, which can explain our inexplicable attachments to our pets.

There are, however, certain circumstances where you can lose your soul mate willfully. The biggest culprits here are anger, ego and mistrust. We can destroy a perfect soul mate connection if we let these enemies to creep into our relationships. The purest soul mate relationship is based on selfless love—closest to a mother’s love for her child. This kind of love cannot be destroyed by mistrust, ego or suspicion and hence is considered immortal love. If you are able to develop this rare intensity of emotion for your soul mate, then you should have no fear of losing him in this lifetime or in other lifetimes to come.

Many people believe you can make direct contact with a lost soul mate by consulting a clairvoyant, psychic, medium, or other metaphysical specialist. The people are said to be able to see across distances and times to retrieve images and message from the great beyond, whatever that may be. Perhaps this is a viable avenue to try.

Divorce is something no one hopes will happen to them when they get married. Unfortunately, almost half of all marriages end in divorce. Since few people have pre-nuptial agreements, most divorces involve often bitter tangles over children, money, and assets. When it comes to the tax and financial implications of divorce, often your divorce attorney is not the only one you should rely on for advice.

I have found ten very common mistakes that people make in the divorce process. A tax or financial pro can help you avoid them.

1. Don’t let emotions guide you in determining the divorce settlement. Divorce is about a lot of things, but is caused mainly by emotional issues or financial problems in the marriage. You may love or hate your soon-to-be ex, but you cannot rely on your “gut” feelings that they will do right by you or the children. You must make the settlement using reason and planning for the unexpected. He or she may want to pay a large alimony and a small amount in child support by telling you they want to see you are “taken care of.” That may result in less tax for them, a lot more taxes for you and destitute children should you die before they reach 18. Financial planning is critical.

2. Get a good family law attorney, but don’t forget to hire a financial professional to assist in evaluating assets and financial strategies. It may cost extra fees, but it will result in a far better settlement for you in most cases. A Certified Public Accountant (CPA), Certified Financial Planner (CFP), or an Enrolled Agent (EA) can be of invaluable help. What is the house really worth? If a business is involved, what are the consequences of its disposition or the true value of it in the divorce settlement? Your spouse might tell you their business is losing money or has no assets; you need to know the truth!

3. Getting the house in the divorce is not always a good deal. Women often want the house in the divorce because they are raising a family in it or have decorated it and are emotionally attached to the property. If it has a mortgage attached to it, think long and hard about the house. It might be better to sell it and split the equity. If you aren’t working and are raising kids, do you really want a big mortgage payment?

4. Failing to fight for the most child support you can get! Large alimony and low child support payments are generally not a good deal to the spouse getting the payments. Alimony is tax deductible to the party paying but taxable to the party who receives it. A large payment is a large tax deduction for one party and a big tax burden to the person getting it. Child support is tax free to the recipient and not deductible to the payer. Also, alimony may terminate upon marriage or death, but Child Support continues until the child reaches 18.

5. Failure to specify who can claim the kids on the tax return. The divorce should specify who will be entitled to claim the children. Also, Form 8332 Release of Claim may need to be filed with IRS in some circumstances.

6. Lack of planning with regard to life insurance. Life insurance should be reviewed in the event of divorce. You may want to take your ex off of your policy as beneficiary, but do you really want to make your children beneficiaries? Unless they are over 18, this can be a big mistake as the funds may go to a trustee until the kids reach majority. Consult with your attorney on how to style your life insurance to best provide for the kids. If you are the person getting alimony or child support, it is a very good idea to carry a life insurance policy on your ex in the event of death. Otherwise the money stops coming and you may end up homeless.

7. No income modeling done in the calculation of alimony. Your spouse may be a corporate executive and have great future earning potential. He or she may have stock options. An income model should be made to determine the potential they have and how it can affect your claim in the divorce.

8. Failure to secure a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (Quadro) in the event of a 401K or other tax impacted investment that is divided in the divorce. If you don’t do the right thing, huge tax penalties can be imposed on taking money out of IRAs, 401Ks, or Annuities. A good family law attorney can help with this but your Uncle Joe who handles bad check defense may not be the guy you want to do your divorce. He or she may not be familiar with a Quadro.

9. Failure to have assets professionally appraised. If you have rent houses, oil and gas investments, etc. Get a professional valuation or you may be cheated in the divorce settlement. The spouse who handles these investments may not be honest with you on the values. Just because he or she loves the kids or was married to you for thirty years does not mean you can trust them.

10. Lack of faith in yourself and your future. Divorce is bad but it is not the end of the world! You may have some tough times but your life will go on and it may be a blessed life. You don’t know what tomorrow brings. It may bring love and happiness. You must have faith in yourself so that you can take care of the kids and be successful in whatever you choose to do. Money is not everything, but if you don’t have faith in God and yourself, you won’t be financially successful.

Well that is my list and it is my prayer that it has helped you in some way. Be strong and be forceful. Don’t get walked on!

J.R. Coleman, E.A., A.T.A.
www.exirsman.com

James Robert Coleman, E.A., A.T.A.
Enrolled Agent & Accredited Tax Advisor
Member: National Association of Enrolled Agents
Former IRS Revenue Officer, GS-11
http://www.exirsman.com

Have you ever wondered why your marriage isn’t happier? If so, you’re not alone. Numerous spouses are struggling with the same question.

At least part of the answer may lie in the words you use in your self-talk and in what you say to your spouse. And what you believe, the lies you tell to yourself or to your spouse, and what you deny or rationalize will all affect your marriage intimacy and happiness.

Read the following ten statements and see if you recognize yourself in any of them. If so, it’s never too late to make positive changes.

1. It doesn’t matter if I don’t tell the complete truth once in awhile as long as not knowing doesn’t hurt him in any way. (You’re lying to yourself.)

2. I’m not going to tell him how much our daughter’s prom dress really cost because it would only upset him. (Lying never solves the real problem.)

3. She’d come unglued if she knew my old girlfriend called me today, so I just won’t mention it. (And when she finds out later, you’ll have some major trust issues to work through.)

4. The only reason I’m telling you that you’re getting fat and need to lose weight is for your own good. (But that’s not the only reason you’re bringing this up, and your spouse knows it.)

5. It doesn’t matter if we don’t have sex very often now that we’ve been married for five years. (You’re only fooling yourself.)

6. I deserve to be treated better, and I’m going to find a way to get even. (The game of getting even always has two losers.)

7. It doesn’t matter what I look like and how I dress now that we’re married. (Neatness and cleanliness always count, and dressing up for a “date” with your spouse can add excitement to your relationship.)

8. We’d be happier if you were more like Jackie’s husband. (You’re implying that you’d like him better if he changed. Your spouse will resent you for the comparison and be even more resistant to changing.)

9. We’re going to do something special together just as soon as the car is paid off (our son graduates from college, the house is paid for, we build up our savings, etc.). (Even on a low-cost budget, you can find special things to do to have fun and build memories now.)

10. I’ll really be happy when I retire in fifteen years. (Focusing on future contentment is a set up for missing opportunities to be happy now in the present moment—happy with yourself, your spouse, your marriage, and your life.)

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says “I don’t love you anymore!” This is available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.

Now Christmas is over - that time of year when we spend our time and money on our family and friends. Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching - the time of year to spend time and money on yourself and your lover.

Sexy lingerie is a Valentine’s Day gift that pleases both of you. What makes lingerie such a sought after and much-given Valentine’s Day gift - more treasured than chocolates, flowers, stuffed animals and even jewelry? Lingerie says, “I love you and I want you.” It says, “You are beautiful and deserve to wear beautiful things. I think you are desireable.”

Sexy clothing is not THE only Valentines Day gift you should give her. If your lover is a chocolate fiend then you better get her some fancy chocolates too - and flowers are never a waste, but opt for two or three smaller boquets around the room instead of one big overbearing grouping. Choose different types of flowers - daisies, wild flowers, carnations - with maybe one rose tied with a ribbon. The rose will be romantic and the hardier flowers will last longer. Think about adding a slim book of erotic stories, some massage oil, adult toys or a special piece of jewelry with an encrypted romantic inscription.

Take the time to write a note to tell her or him exactly what it is about your relationship that turns you on. Don’t be afraid to get a little naughty - it will be remembered for many years to come.

From a practical standpoint, it can be hard for guys to know what kind of lingerie to choose or what size to buy. If you make a purchase at a lingerie store the clerks can often help by showing you what is popular or suggesting lines in your price range. They may even have size guides to help, but try to sneak into your gal’s dresser beforehand and check out the size on something similar to what you want to buy.

A short internet search for “Lingerie Shopping Tips” can also give you many pointers and ideas. If all else fails, a gift certificate for a shopping trip date to Victoria Secret can help you make your own decision for her birthday - or anniversary - or Christmas. You get the idea.

Many lingerie stores on the web have people qualified to help too. Try using the customer service or “contact us” buttons on a lingerie website. Usually an honest description of your gal with size ranges or measurements can help the sales person narrow down the selection for you. Most people in the lingerie business are very accustomed to helping men and women pick just the right sexy lingerie outfit from the hundreds of thousands available.

Whatever you decide to do, make it personal. Take time to think about your girl or guy and what romantic times you have had in the past or have discussed as fantasies. You do not have to spend a lot of money to make the day unforgettable. The thought that you put into doing something unique and loving is much more important than the price tag.

Copyright 2006 Katie Rose Intimates Sexy
Costumes and Lingerie

Katie Rose is the owner of Katie Rose Intimates Sexy Costumes and Lingerie - A fine lingerie shop featuring romantic Valentine’s Day gifts, fantasy clothing, leather and lace and intimate apparel in sexy, erotic, romantic and unique styles - with special attention for the plus size woman.

She also owns Katie Rose Kids An online boutique for clothing, toys and unique gifts for preemies, infants, toddlers, preschoolers and moms too. We have baby shower gifts as well as bath accessories, baby slings, books, decor, educational toys and personalized clothes, blankets and keepsake gifts. Perfect for birthday, Christmas, Easter, Valentines or just because.

You’ve been asked to do the honors for your friend at her
wedding. You need to be aware that there is much more to it than
holding the bouquet during the ceremony.

Probably the most important job you will have is keeping the
bride somewhat calm and sane from planning to the wedding. It
will be a nonstop responsibility for you to utilize every
stress-busting technique known to man! Listen to her when she
needs an ear. Make sure she’s eating.

Shopping may be the next most important duty you will have. You
may be asked to assist the bride in shopping for her dress. You
will be in charge of helping the bridesmaids choose and buy
their dresses. You may also be called into service to shop for
the cake, caterers, photographer, anything that can be
purchased. In tandem with this is helping with tasks such as
addressing envelopes.

You will be in charge of planning and throwing the bachelorette
party. The bridal shower is also your responsibility. Be sure to
keep track of all gifts the bride receives at any function. This
will aid her greatly when it comes time to send thank you notes.

Now the big day has arrived. No time to rest on your laurels
yet. You need to make sure that the bridesmaids are at the
ceremony, dressed and ready on time. The same goes for the
bride. Make sure she is dressed and everything is in place.
Check her veil, train and hair. You’ll need to do this before
the wedding begins and again once you reach the altar.

You will be in possession of the groom’s ring during the
ceremony. You will also be in charge of the bride’s bouquet.

Once the vows have been exchanged, you will sign the marriage
license and dance with the best man during the first official
dance.

Your final duty as maid of honor will be to toast the newlyweds.
Then, you may enjoy the festivities!

If you are still single and yearning for that someone special to come into your life, to share your life, and to share all the laughter and joy of being together, there is something you could do to attract your true love like a magnet!

(1)You must believe you are able to attract true love.

This is important! In order to attract your true love, not just any type of lovers, to come into your life, you have to believe you are able to attract the right person into your
life. True love comes to you not because of chance. Instead, it comes to you because of who you are. It comes ‘through’ you, it does not come to you. You attract the people in your life because of who you are. If you are someone who is always cheery, generous, kind, and hardworking, then it is very likely you will attract people who have one or more of your positive attributes. Whoever you attract into your lives is a reflection of who you are at that moment. Thus if you are someone who is always doubtful of your own ability and capability to meet the right person, then it is very likely you will attract the wrong person into your life!

(2)Love others who come into your life at this moment.

Being loving to others is perfect love, not just wanting love. Open up your heart and give your love to others as well while you are waiting for your someone special to enter
your life. When you open up and give more love, more love will return and be given you too. This is the law of give and receive. When you go outside and socialize, do not go
with the intention of only wanting to find love, or to find your Mr/Mrs Right. Instead, take an interest in all those that you encounter, be aware of their welfare and needs as well. If you start to take an interest in other people’s welfare and needs instead of only your own, more people will
be attracted to you. So, detach yourself from the feeling that you want to find that someone special. The right person will definitely come to you one day and be attracted to you because of who you are. He or she might must be around in a corner thinking : “Hey, I want to get to know this person who has so much magnetism and optimism. How can I approach him/her?”

(3)Expect less from other people and give more instead.

As you give more and more love to others, be careful not to become too much focused on your own wants and needs. In wanting or expecting to experience the love we want, we suffer. We crave, and we cling to what we do not have and we even refuse to let go what we have clung to. Your giving should not come with any conditions. Instead, the love you give should want less and less. As your love wants less and less, ironically you will find more love coming your way, even without you asking for it.

Give true love, so that it opens up and embrace the world. Very soon, you will find that someone special entering your life. It is not by chance that this person has entered your life, but you have cultivated the ’seeds’ to bring him/her to you, not just any type of person, but the right and true one for you. And after he/she has entered your life, continue to cultivate even more ’seeds’ of love for everyone around you, and you will find that you can easily create the ‘magical’ relationship that you desire effortlessly.

Discover the untold truths about love that will help you save your relationship or even build a long lasting relationship at http://www.RetrieveALover.com/home.htm. FREE MP3 Programs and special reports (Value >$47!) also available for downloads at http://www.FamilyandRelationships.com.

Divorce is hard, there’s no question about it. Not only has your marriage ended but, most likely, your lifestyle is undergoing some drastic changes also. This is especially true if you are forced to leave the place that was home to you and your family.

Depending on your particular situation, you may find that moving into an apartment is your only option. Many times it’s hard to think of an apartment as home after you’ve been accustomed to living in a house surrounded by family. But, if you choose your apartment wisely, you may find it’ll become a cozy, comfortable haven.

Take some time to select your apartment.

Remember, this is going to be your new home. Don’t rush the selection process. Decide how much you can afford to spend for rent and look at as many apartments in that range as you can. Location should be one of your prime considerations. Your life is complicated enough right now, don’t make it worse by choosing an inconvenient location where commuting becomes a problem.

If your children will be visiting regularly be sure your apartment is large enough to let them feel at home. If possible, select an apartment with a room just for them. Let them have a hand in decorating it so they’ll feel a part of it.

If you have joint custody of the children and they will be living with you while attending school, you’ll also want to choose an apartment that is convenient to their schools and recreation areas.

The type of apartment you choose will be important to how well you adapt to living in it. Like a house, choose one that fits your personality. If you like puttering in the yard, make sure there is some private space where you can do that ~ even if it’s just planting flower boxes on your patio. If you enjoy cooking, make sure the kitchen meets your requirements.

You also need to consider the atmosphere of your apartment complex. If you’re going to have children living with you part time, most likely a singles community would not be the best choice. Neither would you probably want to choose an apartment in a building that is filled with senior citizens. If there are pets involved, make sure rules don’t prohibit them.

Turn your apartment into a home.

Don’t consider your apartment a place of exile! It’s your new home and if you want to be happy there, you must give it your attention. Unpack the boxes and arrange your furniture in a way that’s pleasing to you. Hang pictures or other art work on the walls and stamp your new home with your own personality. If you take pride in decorating it according to your own tastes, you’ll find it becomes a welcoming and comfortable place to be. Remember you no longer have to consider anyone else’s preferences ~ this is all yours to do with as you please!

The more you’re apartment reflects you and your interests, the more it will seem like home.

Enjoy it!

About the Author:

Kyle Thomas Haley has been helping people relocate on the Internet since 1999 with Apartment and Relocation Websites:

The Apartment Net and A Relocation and Moving Guide.

Copyright 1999 – 2005 STANZEEKAY Inc. You have permission to publish this article, free of charge, as long as the bylines are included and none of the links or content are removed or changed.