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Whether it is you or someone you love, knowing the facts about clinical depression symptoms can save lives. Today, more than 1/3 of people will face some type of depression episode in their lives. This number continues to grow. For those that are feeling this right now, knowing the signs of depression can ultimately help relief to finally come.

Once clinical depression symptoms are evident, the proper anxiety and depression treatment can be administered, and soon, life can get back to normal. Those that are left without treatment will find themselves struggling and their condition can get worse. In many cases, clinical depression symptoms can lead to thoughts of suicide and even attempts at suicide. In that case, then, depression can be deadly.

Here are some of the clinical depression symptoms that you should be aware of.

· Saddened mood, unexplained unhappiness.

· Loss of enthusiasm.

· Unexplained crying.

· A feeling of not wanting to do the things that you loved to do.

· Problems concentrating, feelings of being unable to focus on even simpler tasks.

· The feeling of being in slow motion.

· Fatigue, even if you sleep, you feel tired and worn out. Loss of energy goes right along with this.

· Insomnia can also prevail. You may tend to wake up very early or you may find yourself oversleeping and still not feeling as though you slept at all.

· Restlessness, feelings of needing to do things right now.

· Feelings of no hope, hopelessness, being pessimistic.

· Anxiety is something that many with depression face. The two conditions go hand in hand, sometimes, while in others they are separate conditions.

· Unexplained weight loss, or unexplained weight gain.

· Irritability, unfounded feelings of being angry, upset or frustrated.

If you feel that you have some or all of these clinical depression symptoms, you should seek out the help of a professional. As we mentioned, the worst symptom of them all is the thoughts of suicide or even attempts at it. If you are in this place, or have a loved one in this place, it is essential that anxiety and depression treatment be sought as soon as possible. This is an indication that depression is severe. Often, depression medicines will be needed to pull out of this type of situation.

These clinical depression symptoms can present themselves in various degrees of severity. For some, they may come and go. For others, there is just no way to shake them. Because depression is a life long illness, it is essential that anxiety and depression treatment be sought to lessen the frequencies of these symptoms. Additionally, with the right depression anxiety medications, or alternative treatments for depression, the clinical depression symptoms that are evident are not as harsh and can be eliminated all together.

Sandy Sizemore writes on many consumer related topics including mental health. You can find clinical depression symptoms and depression anxiety medication and more by visiting our mental health website.

DEPRESSION in Teenagers and Children

A while ago I did a blog about Adult depression. While doing the research on Adult depression, I learned quite a bit of information about depression in general, in addition to what I already knew because I suffer from this condition myself. What I didn’t know, however, is just how prevelant this condition is in the population at large, and in children and teens in specific. One source said that depression is close to the top psychological condition in the western world (more about what this means in a later blog; it’ll take a whold blog to talk about what this means).

This article will cover the following: teenager and children depression statistics; teenager and children - specific depression symptoms (for “general” symptoms, check out the Adult blog), and, what you, as the parent and/or gaurdian, can do if you recognize the symptoms in one of yours. (Remember, the following information comes from many Internet sources.)

TEENAGER AND CHILDREN DEPRESSION STATISTICS

As many as 8.3% of teenagers in the U.S. suffer from depression.
Suicide is the third leading cause of death in teenagers.

As many as one in every 33 children and approximately one in 8 adolescents may have depression. (Center for Mental Health Services, 1996; these data have increased over the past 9 years).

Treatment of major depression is as effective for children as it is for adults. (Dr. Graham Emslie, American Medical Association, Archives of General Psychiatry, November 15, 1997).

Twenty years ago depression in children was almost unknown. Now the fastest rate of increase in depression is among young people. (I don’t know about you, but this statistic scares me the most!)

The statistics on teen depression are sobering. Studies indicate that one in five (1 in 5) children have some sort of mental, behavioral, or emotional problem, and that one in ten (1 in 10) may have a serious emotional problem.

What is even more chilling is that of all these children and teens struggling with emotional and behavioral problems, a mere 30% receive any sort of intervention or treatment. The other 70% simply struggle through the pain of mental illness or emotional turmoil, doing their best to make it to adulthood. Many theorize that this is why the suicide rate in teens is so high. Suicide is the third (3rd) leading cause of death among young people ages 15 to 24. Even more troubling, it is the sixth (6th) leading cause of death among children ages 5-14.

The consequences of untreated depression can be:

increased incidence of depression in adulthood;

involvement in the criminal justice system;
or in some cases, suicide.

WHAT ARE THE TEEN/CHILDREN DEPRESSION SYMPTOMS?

As we see above, treatment (i.e., counseling, therapy, or even medical intervention, if needed) for depression is as effective for teens/children as it is for Adults. Let me state that again; research from a variety of sources indicates that appropriate treatment for depression in a teen and/or a child is as effective as it is for Adults. So, what, as a parent or gurdian, should we look for? What are the symptoms of real depression, and not just a “bad mood”?

“Real Depression” - the type that needs immediate and appropriate attention - in teenagers and in children is defined as: when the feelings of depression persist and interfere with the teen’s/child’s ability to function in his/her normal daily activities. This doesn’t mean that one should ignore a teen’s/child’s bad mood if it lasts for a few days or a few weeks. What it does mean is that, at a minimum, you, the parent/guardian must know enough about your teen’s/child’s normal daily activities so that you can know when there are changes. OK, what covers “normal daily activities” for a teen/child? (And, in this, we are sticking to American generic teens/children, because that’s what I am most famaliar with. If anyone can add to this list, please do so.)

As you read through this list, remember that your teen/child has to have “a siginficant” number of these symptoms; they have to be ongoing, out of character; and impair the teen’s/child’s normal daily activities (sound familiar?)

1) Snapping at people for no apparent reason - being irritable at everyone.

2) Physically or verbally aggressive at everyone.

3) Abandoning favorite hobbies or sports or other routine, daily activities.

4) Increased passive TV watching (where the teen/child has that “thousand yard stare” and is not interacting with the programs).

5) Increased risk-taking; e.g., dangerous driving; climbing too high in a tree and jumping, breaking something; other repeated unusually dangerous activities.

6) Misuse of drugs and alcohol. Particularly teens, who use drugs and alcohol to “escape”. (1)

7) Changes in school behaviors (including training courses and work settings) for teens; changes in interpersonal behaviors and activities in a pre-school setting (i.e., used to like to color and play with clay; now just sits in a corner, holding a stuffed toy and sucking a thumb).

Frequent absences from school; poorer grades than formerly attained; increase in skipping classes; etc. For a child, reversion in activities (i.e., used to color within the lines, now just scribbling on paper; intentionally breaking things, etc.)

9) Complains of being bored (teen); a child whose attention waivers when it didn’t before. A child who, during a group reading, who used to sit and listen, now gets up and wanders around.

10) Becomes disruptive in class (both teens and children).

11) Finds it harder to stay on task. Loses concentration easily; is
mentally confused. Finds decisions difficult to make. In a child this might look like the following: unable to match blocks by color when s/he could before; unable to choose between playing ball and jumping rope when the child ALWAYS choose playing ball before. You can think of your own examples, I’m sure.

12) Cannot remember commitments - doesn’t keep appointments (teen). As a child, forgets to bring papers home when s/he ALWAYS used to do so; forgets home address/telephone number when s/he has known them for months/years; etc.

13) Has difficulty staying still or conversely, is lethargic (sluggish). This would apply to both a teen and a child. You can picture, in your mind, the teen or child in constant motion; twitching, shaking a foot, or both feet; handling things; etc. OR, the teen or child who sits or lays with that thousand yard stare again. AND, again, this is unusual behavior for your teen or child.

14) Changes in relationships with family and friends. Usually, this change manifests itself in hostility, or in passivity. Arguing when s/he didn’t before; or, using the “whatever” answer, when s/he used to talk to you. (Again, don’t single this one symptom out; it must be one of many symptoms that your teen or child has.)

15) Stops going out with friends; shows no interest in group outings.

16) Increase or decrease in sexual activity (hopefully, an OLDER TEEN).

17) May start associating with a different peer group (that “bad influence” group as a teen; the “rowdy” kids as a child).

18) Loses interest in activities which once were fun.

19) More conflicts with parents and siblings than usual.

20) Changes in eating and sleeping habits.

21) Expresses inappropriate guilt, feelings of not being good enough, worthlessness, failure. (I can see this in a teen; not sure how this would look in a child. If you can, please let us know.)

22) Expresses hopelessness and having nothing to look forward to.

23) Speaks in a monotonous or monosyllabic manner.

24) Has a preoccupation with self; is withdrawn.

25) Cries easily, looks sad, feels alone or isolated.

26) Has fears about having to be perfect.

27) Fearful of doing something bad. This, in a child, could manifest itself as bedwetting after YEARS of not bedwetting; fear of darkness or “things that go bump in the night” after YEARS of no fear, etc.

28) Incidents of self-injury. Ideas of killing self. (I have no idea of how this would look for a child, and hope never to have such an idea!)

WHAT A PARENT/GUARDIAN CAN DO

The two most important things a parent can do for your child/teen is to first, KNOW YOUR TEEN/CHILD’S ROUTINE, AND NORMAL DAILY ACTIVITIES so that you can identify any changes; and, LISTEN:

1) listen when your children talk;

2) listen to their music;

3) spend more time with them and be involved in their activities;

4) take them to movies and concerts, and discuss them afterward;

5) know their friends, and listen to them, as well;

6) do not lecture or offer unsolicited advice, or ultimatums; and,

7) do not try to talk them out of their feelings; instead, ask them if they can describe their feelings.

It goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway, learn the above symptoms and know your teen/child. Here are some more things that you, the parent or guardian can do.

If a child, go to their day care periodically, and lern their routine; ask the teachers to alert you if their routine changes.

9) If a teen, go to ALL of your teen’s teacher conferences to learn the patterns of the normal school day, and ask to be alerted immediately to changes.

10) For both teens and children, know their friends; see if your home can become the “gathering place”; get to know the parents of your child’s or teen’s friends and agree to let each other know if you see any changes in behavior.

11) In all cases, keep a diary of any changes that you see, so that you will be able to discuss the situation with great clarity and specificity with professionals, should the need arise.

12) Respond with love, kindness, and support if you think that your child/teen is experiencing problems that can lead to depression.

13) Let your child or teen know that you are there, whenever she or he needs you, and do so often and in age-specific (as Dr. Phil would say) ways.

14) Keep trying, but gently, if your teen shuts you out (depressed teenagers do not want to feel patronized or crowded).

15) Do not criticize or pass judgment, once the child or teen begins to talk (the important thing is that he or she is talking and communicating feelings). REMEMBER, NEVER CRITICIZE FEELINGS; everyone has the right to their feelings, even if you think that they are “wrong”. Let them be voiced; if inapproptiate, seek professional assistance.

16) Encourage activity and praise efforts.

17) Seek help from a doctor or mental health professional, if the teen’s or child’s depressed feeling doesn’t pass with time (be prepared to list behaviors, note how long and how often they have been occurring, and how severe they seem - hence, the diary mentioned above).

18) Do not wait and hope that symptoms will go away on their own. Better to seek assistance and be told that your teen/child is fine than to let your teen/child become one of the 70% who never receive help.

19) When depression is severe – if teens or children are thinking about hurting themselves or about suicide – seek professional help as soon as possible.

20) Parents of depressed adolescents may themselves need support. Seek out groups of parents who have experience with teen depression

Footnote (1): What some of my friends and I did with alcohol when we had teenagers; we kept a “mark” (usually hidden so the teens couldn’t see it on the bottle) that changed each time we used the bottle. In this way, we could know immediately if the teens were drinking, and could deal with the situation.

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Science has bought the whole “depression is a result of a chemical imbalance.” We have whole theories about how a low level of serotonin in the brain leads to depression. So, we have a whole medicine industry that is caught up in the pursuit of healing depression through a chemical intervention.

Yet medication has failed to bring about healing. Why? We missed the boat. Depression is rooted in our thoughts. Our minds become our own worst enemy. And we even have a theory about how to heal this: cognitive therapy. But a cognitive approach is not enough. It makes one central mistake. It keeps us rooted to our thoughts.

You see, cognitive therapy is built on the idea that our thoughts are skewed. So, a cognitive therapy approach tries to help people look at how a thought is skewed, and then uses logic to help “fix” the thought. For example, a person notices a strange spot on his chest. He begins to think “something is wrong.” He continues on with “this is cancer.” And quickly arrives at the idea that “I’m going to die from this.” All of this without a visit to a doctor!

A cognitive therapist would point out that the person is “catastrophizing.” In other words, his thought is being skewed from noticing a strange spot on his chest to seeing himself dead. So, the therapist would help the person begin to use some rational thought: at this point, there is a spot on his chest. Nothing more. And until there is more information, and other thought is dangerous.

You may wonder what is wrong with this approach. And there is nothing wrong. It simply falls short of the real issue. Because a cognitive approach simply seeks to exchange a skewed thought with a more correct thought.

But a thought is still the issue. The truth is this: A Thought Is Just A Thought! Some thoughts may be more useful, more helpful. But that makes it no more real.

Our minds are designed to create thoughts. And our minds are incredibly capable of doing this. Sometimes, our minds come up with useful and helpful thoughts. And sometimes, our mind churns out painful and hurtful thoughts. But in the end, both are merely thoughts.

When we buy into the thoughts, our mental health becomes more and more threatened. And that is the problem with the cognitive approach. It still leaves us believing our thoughts are real — that they have some inherent truth or reality.

The way out of this trap is both simple and difficult. Imagine a continuum, a line between two extremes. At one end is the idea that “A Thought Is Reality.” At this extreme, people believe that whatever pops into their head is real. In other words, “if I think it, it is real.” The extreme is what we know as psychosis. An example of this psychosis: if I believe the “World Army” is coming in black helicopters, then it must be true. No matter what others tell me, I simply choose to believe my thoughts.

At the other end of the continuum is the idea that “A Thought Is A Thought.” A person at this end is always aware that a thought in his or her head is simply that: a thought. And if a thought begins to torment him or her, then that person is able to take a step back, remember that a thought is just a thought, and let it go.

“Let it go” is impossible, you think? Yet we do it every day. I am sitting in an important meeting, when suddenly my mind creates a thought about the fact that I have something very important to do. I follow that thought, but then remind myself: I am at an important meeting, and I need to focus on that. I refocus on the meeting, and indeed, I let the thought go.

So, there it is, proof that a thought can be released. Thoughts really only have as much power as we give them. No more, no less.

Become aware of your thoughts, and you master your universe. Fail to recognize that a thought is just a thought, and you are at the whims of your mind, a very difficult taskmaster!

Lee Baucom is a seasoned therapist, with over 15 years listening to people in pain. In that time, Lee has discovered some helps for dealing with depression. You can discover more at http://www.BeatDepressionNow.com .

A major approach to the treatment of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) involves narrative processing of the traumatic memory. This is designed to undo the distressing continued effect of the traumatic experience that intrudes into the patient’s present life as PTSD symptoms, depression, and dissociation. The narrative processing collects and organizes the fragmented images and perceptions of the trauma into a coherent verbal structure with beginning, middle, and end. Now the person can assimilate the gathered fragments into verbal memory as personal history. The shock of the trauma is no longer stunning in present time and no longer felt as unfinished threat. The experience finally can be examined in the light of present consciousness as a remembered past event.

It is exceedingly difficult to simply recite a traumatic experience. Outside of verbal consciousness memory fragments fester like “memory shrapnel” and prevent narrative closure. Enlisting the help of the “mind’s eye” and the imagery of the right brain can facilitate the assimilation of these nonverbal images into verbal memory. It is not just what the mind’s eye sees but how it beholds and reports. When the mind’s eye serves narration it is observing and describing through the perspective of a hidden observer. It is helping to protect the person from reliving the experience.

The methods to recruit the mind’s eye to the work of narrative processing depend on visual imagery even though many of the memory fragments may not be visual. They may consist of bodily sensations such as pain or pressure or feelings of terror. Whatever the content, their presence can be detected by the mind’s eye and reported by the hidden observer. It is the duty of the hidden observer to give an objective narration while resisting the subjective pull of unfinished experience and avoiding reliving of the experience. Once narrative closure is achieved there is no more pull into the traumatic experience.

The Hidden Observer

In the 1970’s the research psychologist Ernest Hilgard experimented with the hypnotic induction of analgesia and discovered that a hidden observer could be elicited in those subjects claiming to feel no pain. He asked for a report by a part of the subject that did feel the pain and could rate the severity. Some subjects responded from a part of themselves that was aware of the pain and could rate it on a scale of ten during the time the subject had claimed analgesia. These elicited parts were very much alike from subject to subject. The part was normally hidden from the subject’s awareness although the part claimed to have always been there. The part was aware of the experimentally induced pain (produced by ischemia of the arm deprived of circulation by the tourniquet effect of a blood pressure cuff inflated to a pressure above the systolic pressure) but the part denied suffering. Dr. Hilgard designated these parts “Hidden Observers.” The Hidden Observers claimed to be onlookers of the person’s experiences at all times, whether the subject was hypnotized or not. They played no role in executing action and did not participate in the emotional experience of the subject.

More than 90% of the patients undergoing hypnosis in an intensive trauma therapy clinic were able to liberate a Hidden Observer. Following hypnotic induction by progressive relaxation the patient visualizes an imaginary scene and executes the imaginary action of stepping out of the body and observing the body from the outside. The therapist refers to the onlooker as the Hidden Observer and points out the capacity for emotional distance from the patient. The Hidden Observer then temporarily leaves the patient in the imagined scene and goes to the time of the trauma to observe the traumatic event as it unfolds. The Hidden Observer narrates the event impassively, referring to the self in the trauma in the third person – as ”him” or “her” – and telling the story from beginning to end. The narration is recorded by videotape for subsequent review by the patient in a normal waking state. The hypnotic session ends after the Hidden Observer returns to the self left in the imagined scene.

Reviewing the videotaped narrative in the waking state completes the hypnotic narrative processing. The patient and the therapist watch the replayed videotape together. Now the patient no longer has the emotional distance of the Hidden Observer. The patient may only dimly remember much of the narrative and there is a risk of being triggered into a re-experiencing of the trauma. If this happens the therapist will stop the tape and help the patient become grounded.

Usually there is little or no triggering or abreaction with review of the tape. This is positive because abreaction interferes with verbal narrative assimilation. There may be an element of desensitizing in the review. Emotional desensitization can also diminish assimilation because the patient might escape full avowal or owning of the experience and feel instead as if it happened to someone else. If this failure is not corrected, the entire narrative processing must be repeated.

Usually when the narrative processing is repeated the second narration is more detailed and complete and makes it possible to fill in gaps that were not detected during the first. When this still does not relieve the intrusive symptoms of PTSD the cause might be that the symptoms arise from earlier traumas. The patient may have to search for unremembered traumas, such as preverbal ones or overlooked traumas due to medical or surgical procedures, for example.

Processing traumatic memories with the mind’s eye and the Hidden Observer makes it possible to do trauma therapy rapidly and safely without re-traumatizing the patient.

Louis W. Tinnin, MD
Psychiatric Consultant, Intensive Trauma Theapy, Inc.
http://traumatherapy.us

Are you able to love someone who is depressed? Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship when there are days that your partner can’t get out of bed, can’t see the silver lining, or has trouble even brushing their teeth on a regular basis?

It sounds dramatic - but as many of you already know. Its something that can slowly happen with someone who you are in love with. It may start with them sleeping in a little later on the weekends and then it escalates to a full-blow problem with getting up at all. Getting excited about anything. Or getting involved in anything remotely interesting.

Its difficult to say the least - on a relationship. Especially if this is new. Such as a new baby in the house. Or an illness. Or a mid-life crisis. All typical instances of when you will see uncommon depressive symptoms in your partner.

*Jamie met her new boyfriend at work. He seemed to be a hard worker, intelligent, and a fun guy to be around. Once she began her relationship outside of work - she saw another side of him. She was sure that he must be clinically depressed, because going to work was actually the only thing he could really muster up enough energy to do. He had to. He had to pay bills. But she could see that is was very difficult for him to do it. It was almost as if it was painful for him to live his life.

This was not a turn-on for Jamie to say the least! In fact, she decided that she was going to “save” her new boyfriend from himself. But that proved to be the demise of their relationship. Because of course he needed therapy and probably a little medication to help pull him out of the abyss. Her love unfortunately was not enough.

Remember - depression can present itself very slowly in people. You notice little things, and then a few more, and then you may notice that they become increasingly present. By that time - you are probably already heavily emotionally invested in your new partner.

Is it a death sentence? Absolutely not. Just know that depression is not something you can yell at your partner to “snap out of!” It will take a great deal of patience and support on your part - and the foresight to know that it does get better when you both of you really desire for it to work.

**TIP! The best thing you can if you are with someone who is clinically depressed is to find out all you can about it. Research! The internet is chock full of info and your family physician can give you plenty of information and tips as well. Reach out to friends and family too. Everyone knows someone who has experienced depression in one way or another. There are plenty of people who can be your supporting cast!

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© GirlShrink Inc. The author grants reprint permission to opt-in publications and websites so long as the copyright and by-line are included intact and the article is not used in spam. A courtesy copy of your publication would be appreciated.

What if I say that you are not going to have another panic attack? I will never blame you if you speculate when I say that you will not undergo another attack. I understand that you have gone through a lot of programs, medications, therapies to fight your panic disorder which were of little or no help. But the simple mantra is Break the vicious cycle of fear of having another attack or else you will never be able to free from panic and anxiety disorder, no matter what treatment you try.

The mordant thought of having another panic attack is the main culprit that never allows you to free yourself from anxiety and you become more vulnerable and prone to panic attack. There are two categories of panic disorder patience, those who completely wipe panic out of their lives, and those who cannot. The key is only one and it does not require much of your money to help you. You just need sheer logic and a desire to live a ‘fear-free’ life for which you need to keep in mind the below mentioned facts;

• Panic attacks are never terrifying but not harmful, so another attack will not do any harm to you.
• Think logically. Avoiding the circumstances and areas where you have the history of a panic attacks does not actually help. You are just escaping from a normal life. Are not you?
• Sit down and contemplate to identify the leitmotif of your fear. What exactly ailing you? Why are you scared of a particular situation? What is the exact thing you are scared of?
• Once you have identified the scary situations, objects or places, analyze the whole scenario, and ask yourself, do they worth fearing? Are they really scary? Is there any valid reason for your fear?
• The fear cannot be validated as there are never enough reasons which you can accumulate from your memory warehouse.
• A logical outlook will help you deduce the fact that there is no actual basis for your anxiety and panic. This is the time when you should bring about positive changes to your life-style keeping in mind that your fears are actually baseless. The life-style changes could be taking a morning walk to the nearby children’s park, little exercise, read inspiring books. You just need to start enjoying your life.
• The next step would be going to the places you are very much scared of, with a trusted friend or a family member…before going just ask yourself “why should I be scared of?” Remember the logic you have given yourself earlier.
• If you are scared of a situation, accept the challenge yourself and appear for the ordeal, you are logically equipped to fight that situation. Trust your own self, you are not weak.

Fear and anxiety are not going to solve your problems; if you wish to change the situation for better then stop worrying. Everything depends upon the strength of your ‘Will’ and how desperately you want to kick anxiety and panic out of your life. There are medications to give you temporary freedom from anxiety and panic. But in no way they can help you understand how illogical your fear is and how you should free yourself from them. Coping with panic and anxiety nowhere near to complete freedom from these disorders, it is like accepting the wrong and living with it. Just say no to your lugubrious life by throwing unnecessary dreadful thoughts and anxiety away of your mind.

The author, Monalisa Hyden, addresses psychological issues. If you wish to help yourself and your loved ones to fight emotional problems, you can log on to http://www.buy-xanax-online-now.com for more information and advice.

‘I’m so full of anger,‘ Serena told me. ‘I really feel I need to let it out.‘

But letting rip, studies find, makes you more angry and aggressive, not less. It becomes a habit, making it more likely you’ll give way to anger next time. From small explosions about big things, people who never control or calm their anger tend to progress to big explosions about little things.

However, the good news is that there isn’t a pressure cooker full of anger in your brain, needing to be let out. Things don’t work like that. Instead, there are tendencies, stresses, habits and triggers … and you can succeed in changing these with practice and perseverance. First, however, if anger is a problem for you, you need to realise this. It’s not always obvious …

Exploding with fury can be scary and dangerous. So many people express their anger in hidden roundabout ways, living in a state of masked annoyance and hostility. If this is you, you may well feel YOU never let anger rule you … yet those around you will see things differently. And they’ll be right! Classic hidden anger signs include:

• Destructive criticism, faultfinding and nitpicking. You can tell yourself this is justified: ‘It’s for your own good,‘ ‘Someone needs to see that things are done right,‘ ‘Someone has to tell you …‘ ‘You need to know where you’re going wrong.‘ But you can be sure others sense your underlying hostility!

• Sarcasm and hostile wit is a classic bully tactic. Sinking your verbal teeth into someone has the advantage of letting you say, innocently, ‘Oh, can’t you take a joke?‘ ‘You always take things the wrong way,‘ or, ‘You’re far too sensitive,‘ if someone objects to your backbiting or tries to draw attention to the hidden anger which fuels it.

• Being a victim. Victims are just waiting to be treated badly and taken advantage of. They feel helpless so don’t take responsibility for what happens to them. Their anger at life is expressed in making others feel useless and guilty, as they resist everyone’s attempts to help them or cheer them up –’Yes, but …‘ Some sulk, gloomily enjoying the power and attention as people run around trying to soothe them.

• Passive-aggression. You smile sweetly, while inwardly resentful. You don’t want to cooperate, but you don’t dare say so. So you’re ‘tired‘. You ‘can’t understand.‘ You forget, you’re late, you’re clumsy, you make mistakes. Procrastination is a great way of expressing passive-aggression … you don’t refuse to do something, you just never get round to it.

Controlling anger

These ways of being angry DON’T GET THINGS DONE. They don’t effectively change or accomplish things. They just muddy the waters and damage your health and your relationships. Yet anger can be a powerful motivator, a positive force for good — IF you learn to make it your servant, not your master. Here are 10 tried-and-tested tips:

• Ask yourself: ‘What do I want to achieve?‘ when you feel that clutch of rage at your chest.

• Avoid. Can maddening situations be avoided? Is there a way round the traffic jam, do you HAVE to look at your teenager’s dreadful bedroom, could someone else deal with that infuriating colleague?

• Recognise past triggers. One minute you’re coping. The next, ‘out of the blue’, you’ve lost it. Later, you’ll say, ‘I don’t know what came over me,‘ ‘I wasn’t myself.‘ And in a sense you weren’t … because something has hit a nerve and the fight part — anger — of the fight-or-flight survival response has been triggered.

Just as reminders of past trauma can set off panics and fears, so a reminder of experiences like unfairness, injustice, being bullied or assaulted can spark disproportionate anger. Human Givens therapy can remove the original trauma so you stay calm in these trigger situations. If that isn’t available to you, try EMDR, NLP or EFT.

• Spot the danger times. Keeping a diary can show up trends and danger points. Consider building time-out moments into your day. Perhaps a quiet period when you get home from work is crucial to a calm evening, for instance. Look out for low blood sugar — it can make people very snappy.

Ian came for therapy for anger. Each evening after work, he regularly lost his temper with his partner as he tried to speed her cooking up. It turned out that he was one of those thin, driven, fast metabolism types … and he’d had nothing to eat since a snatched sandwich, six hours earlier. He was starving for the food she was so slow preparing. Attention to his diet solved the problem.

• Fix daily hassles. Those little things may seem trivial, but take them seriously. They can ratchet up your stress level till you’re an explosion waiting to happen.

• Cool down. Let out a long sigh of relief (a great way of gaining some instant relaxation!). And INSTANTLY start counting backwards from 100. After about 15 seconds of that, anger will have weakened.

• Time out. 20 minutes chilling out should restore you to calmness. With emails, texts and phones, it’s so often easy to find an excuse to give yourself that crucial calming down time before you respond. And NEVER send angry emails or letters till the next day…

• LISTEN. When you’re stressed and angry, you can’t think straight and can make misinterpretations. Slow down and LISTEN to what the other person is saying.

• Humour lets you step back from the situation and gain perspective. Imagine yourself and the other person as cartoon characters! If you think they’re scum, visualise them as an amoeba. If, like many angry people, you secretly think the world should run the way YOU want it … picture yourself as a huge, all-powerful superhero!

• Set goals. Each week, plan to get through each day with fewer explosions of rage, exasperation or irritation.

You may be amazed how fast a new, calmer and more effective approach becomes automatic, once you use these techniques to break the anger habit.

Jane Firbank’s site, http://www.secretsofchange.com, has over 100 fascinating and helpful problem letter replies, plus scores of articles and book reviews.

Jane Firbank, BSc (Psych), HG Dip, GHR, is a psychotherapist in private practice in London, England where she also regularly writes and consults on psychological matters for the Press, TV and radio.

Depression and its effect on our stress levels can have a huge impact on our lives.

When I think back over the times of extreme stress and anxiety over the last few years, I find I never really would have classed myself as depressed. However, at times, the thought of just not being part of this life became quite attractive. I often wanted to just peacefully slip away. I’m sure that this was a symptom, within myself of a mild form of depression.

As life sorted itself out, slowly those times of thinking like that started to diminish. It is only when I look back at how I felt that I realise how thinking like this was part of my life then.

What is depression?

Depression, like stress and anxieties, results from living our lives in a way in which we are not designed to live. We function best when we can slowly evolve and thrive in our environment.

The last 100 years has meant we have been thrust headfirst into a chaotic and very fast lifestyle. We haven’t been given the luxury of adapting into our lifestyles slowly and calmly - going at our own pace. It is estimated that worldwide over 300 million people may be suffering from depression. That means an awful lot of unhappy people, on an awful lot of medication, costing a huge amount of money and resources.

How can we get help? - we need to learn more about the causes, symptoms and prevention and cure of depression.

Here are some signs you may recognise:
Do you?

• Wake up feeling exhausted?
• Feel miserable most of the time?
• Constantly worry - about anything and everything
• Lack motivation - even of things you used to love doing?

What is your lifestyle like?

• Do you work long hours?
• Have you got large debts?
• Do you abuse your body with drugs? nicotine? alcohol?caffeine?
• Are you a couch potato?
• Do you ever really relax and have a time of peace in your life?
• Are you going through a divorce or messy relationship breakdown?
• Do you feel part of a community - do you know/get on well with your neighbours?
• Do you eat a mainly processed food diet?

Are you physically suffering from any of these problems?

• Lack of sleep?
• Food intolerances?
• Too many toxins in your body? (through an unhealthy diet)
• Too much sugar?
• An imbalance or lack of vitamins, minerals, fatty acid levels from your diet?
• Lack of exercise?
• Lack of sunshine and adequate outdoor light exposure?
• Co-existing illnesses - or perhaps you deal with one condition and immediately another sets in?

How do you feel emotionally? Do you feel?

• Do you feel appreciated?
• Are you in charge of your life?
• Safe and secure?
• Loved and connected to your partner?
• Respected?
• Do you feel you belong - either in your relationship, at work or with friends, or in your community?
• Are you stimulated and challenged in your life?
• Does your life have purpose?

IT IS VITAL TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TO GET A PROPER ASSESSMENT.

Here are some options available to you to help you and I have put some in the form of FAQ’s.

Will I be put on antidepressants?
The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence ( the organisation which recommends prescribing guidelines to doctors) has recently said that the risks of taking anti depressents for someone with mild depression outweigh the advantages. You may not therefore be prescribed them.

If you want to know some of the risks of these medications they are:

• Nausea
• Lack of libido
• Anxiety
• Abdominal pain
• They sometimes don’t work in approx 30-50% of patients

There is a holistic approach which can be divided into Physical and Emotional/Lifestyle changes.

Here are some guidelines

PHYSICAL

• De toxify
• Change to a healthy, mood enhancing diet
• Eat 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks
• Eat a protein source with every meal: eggs, nuts, seeds, fish, lentils, beans.
• Eat 4 portions of leafy green vegetables every day
• Take a multivitamin-mineral supplement
• Raise neurotransmitter chemical levels - ie. serotonin, the happy chemical and dopamin the motivation chemical. Take these as supplements as 5-HTP (50mg to 100mg twice daily) and l-tyrosine 500mg three times daily. Also include Omega-3 essential fatty acids into your diet in the form of mackerel, salmon, sardines and herrings or take in supplement form
• Exercise! get 30 minutes of exercise 3 - 5 times per week. Make sure you enjoy it, and when you’re doing it make sure your mind is on your exercise and not your problems. By concentrating “externally” you are lessening the impact of your internal gremlins - but only whilst you are doing the exercise!

EMOTIONAL/LIFESTYLE

The key to success over depression is to ensure that the life you lead nourishes a balanced and healthy way of life for you. One in which you can grow emotionally and psychologically and one in which you use your abilities to gain fulfillment and improved mental health.

If you are balanced and happy in your life then you have the tools to deal with stressful and anxious situations as they arise. The effect will not be long term because you have the resources to combat the depressing situation.

This is a very important time for you to deal with your emotional/lifestyle challenges and it is essential that you get yourself the most valuable help.

This is an extract from my website which covers many aspects of stress and how it affects our lives.

It is based on my own experiences, which I share with you. I would like the site to expand and include helpful experiences you may like to share with myself and others.

Please visit if you feel it may be of interest to you
http://www.stress-anxieties-solutions.com

What is guilt and why do we have it? This is a question of gravity and very often we get entangled in understanding its intricacies. The discomfort of our conscience is the guilt. Our conscience decides the ideals we choose to uphold in the course of life. When we perform any act, compromising on our ideal, the conscience feels uneasy. This suffocation of our veracity is the guilt. Guilt is an emotional experience just like happiness, sadness, anger or kindness. But it is possible to shelve this sinking experience of the conscience and thereafter live in peace eternally.

PERSONAL CODE OF ETHICS

To save ourselves the agonizing feeling of guilt, the simplest way is to set our principles so low that they never seem to be compromised. But this easy solution is not recommendable because intellectually we are on a much higher plane than the animals and should not retrograde ourselves to their level. The feeling of guilt is subjective, depending upon ones values in life. While one may have moral compunction on killing of a tiny insect, the other may not feel an iota of regret on murdering a fellow human being. But there are certain commandments against adultery, stealing, killing, etc which are common in all religions and for all individuals irrespective of their personal code of ethics. If we are even below these basic commandments then we are mere seed-bulls.

JUDGEMENT OF ACTION

In our lifetime we are invariably faced with the dilemma of choosing between right and wrong. How do we decide if an action is going to stifle our conscience or revitalize the soul? Motive is one criterion to judge our acts. Intention behind the act lends it the colour of black or white. When a philanthropist constructs a charitable hospital in expectation of public glory and acclaim, his donation ceases to be charity. His selfish motive changes the nature of his otherwise good deed. But motive alone does not determine the sanctity of an action.

Means applied to further the motive are of equal import. The proponents of Robin Hood, the fictional character who believed in “ Rob Peter to pay Paul”, justify his acts to shadow their own guilt. Swami Chinmayananda explains that Robin Hood did not “distribute” he “looted and distributed”. His motive lost its character because of the militant means he employed to fulfill his cause. Motive and means are interrelated because motive- the values you uphold in life, determine the quality of thoughts; the quality of thoughts determine in turn the quality of actions.

CAUSE OF GUILT

The cardinal question still remains what forces us to indulge in actions that cause guilt and heartache? The inevitable answer is GREED. The insatiable avarice of the senses captures even the wise unawares. Man is a round the clock production house of desires. As one desire is satisfied the other rises. We are blessed with the senses because God wanted us to enjoy the beauty and charms of His majestic creation. But leaving the senses without reins in the marathon of desires has cataclysmic results. Our eyes gaze beautiful forms, tongue savours good taste, skin demands comforting softness. The senses are doing their natural course while seeking the pleasure, but unrestrained gluttony of sensual gratification is uncalled for. No religion preaches renouncement of the world and its pleasures. Self-denial of the senses is unnatural and not to be followed. When we suppress our natural instincts, there is a growing frustration and curiosity. And as they say, “curiosity kills the cat”, the quashed desires suddenly erupt like a volcano and cause debauchery which later leads to a tormenting conscience.

Our preceptors said, “Enjoy the world, but let not the world enjoy you”. However, our greed for wealth, luxury and carnal gratification is ever increasing. The sybaritic behavior has caused pervasive decadence. Our desire for instant happiness blinds us to the remorse we shall experience in the long term. Letting our senses overpower our intellect will sooner or later only result in nothing but compunction. A robber robs because he has cupidity for money. As long as he evades the cops he does not bother about the wrong. Though he is always aware that stealing is wrong, he does not feel guilty because the negative consequences of doing it escape his mind. But the day he is caught and incarcerated for lifetime he wails, “Why did I do it”?

FEAR OF PENALTY

Is it only the fear of punishment that can keep our greed under check? Like they “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. If this being true, the robber would never experience guilt pangs if he were never caught. But sooner than later our Eternal Father does justice to all. It does not imply that He is a merciless God who believes in an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. He is a well of love and compassion, an embodiment of forgiveness and mercy. But he shall be ignorant and naïve who mistakes his forgiveness for His weakness. When we commit an iniquity and are honestly repenting, we take solace in God’s love and ask for forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness entails a tacit promise to God that “I shall not repeat the unworthy act”. When the heart is overcome by guilt of your misdeed, the plea for mercy makes its way straight to the God’s heart. And the magnanimous God is bound to give you another chance.

But if you break the sacred oath and repeat the wrong, it simply means you never felt guilty for your acts and the greed of senses still dominates you.

“Fear not God, for He is love

But fear is wrath, if you ashamed his love”

MODERATION IS THE SOLUTION

The sure way to free the conscience from the distress of guilt is to learn contentment. “MODERATION” is the sure shot way to shelve guilt and live without greed of materialism and fear of retribution. An absolute and abrupt denial of worldly pleasures leads to rancor and cynicism in life, however incessant indulgence in temporal pleasures can pull a man down to the nadir animalism. Temperateness in character gives a tranquil mind and a calm body, which connects, readily to the ever-ecstatic soul. Free the mind of greed and fear, and it loosens the conscience from the claws of guilt. A liberated soul is a harbinger of joy untold.

http://www.mindbodynsoul.com

Not long ago, I attended a mastermind group. During the meeting, one of the women went into a litany about how terrible things had been in the past few weeks and how depressed she felt as a result. Inspired, I rose from my seat and told her, “You’re not depressed, you’ve just been having a lousy conversation with yourself.” She looked at me as if I had just arrived from Mars.

LIMITING WORDS CREATE A LIMITED LIFE

Most people have no idea that the words they use affect their feelings, experiences and behavior. The majority of people in our lives use very limiting language. If you were to listen to most of the people around you, you would be shocked to find out how negative their speech is. They complain, gossip, talk about how difficult things are now and how they probably won’t get much better. Then they wonder why their lives are not filled with joy and success. While it might seem like a good idea to regularly talk about things that bother you, you pay a huge price for doing so.

When you use negative words, whether knowingly or unknowingly, it impacts your feelings and behavior. When my friend talked about how depressed she felt, it actually contributed to her feeling sad and, as a result, she began to act as if she had no choices. Notice the sequence – words create feelings and feelings impact behavior. It is almost impossible to act positively when you use negative words. (Note – The phrase depressed as it is used above is NOT describing clinical depression. Prolonged feelings of sadness and hopelessness can be symptoms of a serious condition that needs the attention of a mental health professional.)

Your words impact your present experience and also your future. If you use limiting words, you will act in a corresponding manner because we always act the way we describe ourselves. I am a motivational and high content speaker. For years, I yearned to be more humorous and entertaining in my talks. However, using humor was a very big challenge for me. Why? Because I always described myself as motivational, not funny. So what happened? My audience members would comment about how motivational and inspirational I was. They never told me that I was funny. I finally decided that if I was going to be able to add humor to my talks, I had to stop saying that I wasn’t funny. I decided to be open to being more entertaining. The result? Over time I easily incorporated one liners and humorous content into my talks. People began to describe my style as motivational and highly entertaining. Amazingly, a number of audience members told me that I missed my calling and should have been a stand-up comic instead of a speaker. What happened; did I suddenly discover a funny bone? No. By stopping my negative words, I was able to let my natural wit emerge. (I still don’t have them rolling in the aisles, but at least my audiences and I have more fun.)

NOTICE YOUR ‘YUK’ FEELINGS

The first step in discontinuing your negative words (whether you say them to yourself or others) is to recognize when you are doing this. Here’s a clue. It’s what I call my ‘yuk’ feeling. Whenever I say something negative or limiting, I feel a negative sensation in my body. For me, it can be a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach or stress down my spine. When I feel that awful feeling in my body, it is a clue that I am engaging in negative language.

Why does this happen? Most people know that the mind and body are inextricably linked. One affects the other. The words that we use also register in our bodies. If we use positive, upbeat words it allows our bodies to feel empowered, energetic, and ready to take action. If we use negative words, it causes stress or a “yuk’ feeling somewhere in our bodies. Determine where your ‘yuk’ feeling is. When you are experiencing a challenging situation, notice where you feel it in your body. Does your ‘yuk’ feeling express as a clenched jaw, tight muscles at the back of your neck, pressure at your temples or somewhere else?

DARE TO DEFY YOUR INNER CRITIC

Once you’ve determined that you are in a ‘yuk’ state, then pay attention to your language. You might be shocked at the negative things you have been saying to yourself and others. No wonder you’ve been feeling so stressed! However, just noticing these words is not enough. Remember, negative words affect your feelings and behavior so you must start to challenge them. Instead of telling yourself that you are overloaded and can’t possibly do all the work you have to do say, “Stop it!” You must quiet the inner critic. Tell yourself that, of course you will get everything done, because you always complete whatever you need to do. When you do this, pay attention to the ‘yuk’ feeling and notice that it has disappeared.

DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU WANT IT TO BE

One of the reasons that highly successful people are so outstanding at what they do is because they consistently use positive language. Again, optimistic words create positive feelings and actions. These accomplished individuals describe their lives and experiences in affirmative terms which causes them to behave in ways that lead to success.

The good news is that it is not that difficult to transform your words and behavior. Recently, I was having lunch at a professional meeting. I began talking to one of my table companions about exercising and having the motivation to continue a regular program. She told me that she used to be a regular fitness enthusiast, but she let it slide and now she couldn’t get motivated to work out on a regular schedule. After speaking with her for a while, I told her that if she didn’t stop saying that she wasn’t motivated to exercise, she never would be motivated to start and maintain a fitness program. I told her that if she wanted to make a change, she had to get rid of the negative way she was describing herself with regard to exercising. I also told her that awareness is the first step to making a positive change. Being aware of the negative language that we use, challenging it, and describing what we want instead, will allow us to take control of our feelings and behavior. A week later, my associate sent me a note and told me that I ‘motivated’ her so much, she got up at 5 AM to go to the gym and had been doing it several days in a row. She also told me that it was easy and she did not know why she hadn’t done it before. The reason it became so easy for her to change her behavior and do what she wanted to do was because she changed her negative language. When she used positive words, she did not need me to motivate her, she motivated herself.

So the next time you catch yourself saying something like, “I’m so depressed” or “I’m sick and tired of this,” stop it. Your words no longer have to mess up your life. Choose words that describe what you want to experience and watch what happens.

About The Author

Della Menechella is a speaker, author, and trainer who inspires people to achieve greater success from the inside out. She is a contributing author to Thriving in the Midst of Change and the author of the videotape The Twelve Commandments of Goal Setting. She can be reached at della@dellamenechella.com. Subscribe to free Peak Performance Pointers e-zine - send blank e-mail to mailto:subscribe@dellamenechella.com.