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Despite major advances in understanding stress, depression and anxiety, most sufferers are still being told four myths about the root cause of their problem.

This raises an important issue: How can you conquer these illnesses if you don’t understand the root cause?

Time to bust the myths and reveal the exact cause of these harrowing problems.

The first myth to bust is that a period of serious illness can cause you to become depressed. This could be anything from a nasty virus that confines you to bed for a month or something far more serious such as loss of a limb, cancers, injury, or heart attack for example.

None of these illnesses can cause depression, anxiety or stress. It’s easily proven. Because millions of people suffer from serious illnesses every year but only around 20% of them will become stressed, depressed or anxious. If illnesses cause mental breakdown, every person who becomes seriously ill will enter into mental breakdown. They don’t.

The same explanation applies to traumatic experience. This could be death of a loved one, loss of a job, divorce or moving house for example. Again, every single one of us will experience traumatic times such as these. Yet not everybody enters into a mental illness, even those who have suffered extreme trauma. Therefore, traumatic experience cannot be the root cause.

Next up is genetics, another frequently given root cause. But it’s completely untrue. There is no proven link between genetics and these illnesses. In fact, rather than genetics, learned behavior from family members who suffer themselves is the only real link to a family-inherited disposition to stressful illness.

I’ve saved the most widely accepted myth until last and I’ll bet you’re familiar with this reason and you may even believe it to be the root cause of your problem. It’s the reason given by the medical community and which has spawned a $12 billion drugs industry to combat it. The myth is of course depleted levels of neurotransmitters in the brain – the so-called “chemical imbalance”.

Neurotransmitters are “happy chemicals” which help to regulate your moods. So, if levels are low, you feel low. To boost these levels, powerful drugs are prescribed. Yes, they boost levels. But let’s ask a question:

Are low levels of neurotransmitters a cause or a symptom?

Well, every human being on earth right now will experience many occasions in their lives when things go wrong and when bad things happen – in short, times when they won’t be their usual happy selves.

During these times, their levels of “happy chemicals” will drop, and life will seem a bit of an effort. So, does this mean that everybody on the planet will descend into an episode of stress, depression or anxiety? Obviously not.

And do you just wake up one day and feel anxious or depressed because levels of neurotransmitters have dipped below the critical level? No. Because that would mean you’d wake up one day and feel great because levels have risen above the critical point. You know this just doesn’t happen, even after taking antidepressants.

And when you’re in the fog of mental turmoil, you also experience physical pain, you cannot sleep or you sleep too much and the feeling of overwhelming exhaustion is also present. But if a chemical imbalance in your brain is at the root, how come you experience physical pain in your legs, arms, and more commonly, your back?

You can see that this is too simple an explanation. This is borne out by the fact that 70% of people who take antidepressants will descend into second and even third episodes of mental breakdown if they stop taking the drugs. This is because antidepressants treat ONE of the SYMPTOMS of mental illness – depleted levels of neurotransmitters.

So what, exactly, is at the root cause of mental breakdown? It’s all down to flawed modes of thinking. Because the only difference between people who experience an episode of mental trauma and those who don’t is because of flawed perceptions and explanations repeatedly performed by sufferers.

The following example describes this more clearly:

Two people suffer the death of a parent. One is absolutely distraught and finds it very difficult to cope and descends into a depressive episode. The other, although sad at the loss, is coping and doesn’t descend into depression. The only difference lies IN THE WAY THEY MAKE SENSE OF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THEM. The actual event has no meaning by itself. The meanings only lie within the minds of the individuals affected.

To beat anxiety, stress and depression, you need to learn the powerful and effective modes of thinking used by people who don’t become stressed, depressed or anxious no matter what happens to them. Once learned, you will come out of the fog permanently.

Copyright 2006 Christopher Green

In our last article on depression we discussed the need to: 1) Work on your self image; 2) Work on creating a good social life; and 3) Find the core problem and work to correct it. This article is the first of three on dealing with your self image. At first I thought to do it in one article, but that would be impossible.

About your self image you might say, “I’m depressed, not ugly. What does depression have to do with my self image?” I would remind you that we are talking about the roots of the problem of depression, not the outgrowth. If you are feeling alone, if you are not connecting with the right people, or if you are not striving for what you want anymore, it’s very likely that you have given up because you think that you can’t do it. That’s where the self image comes in. Your self image is one of a person who has been defeated, (like the dog in our first article) but the truth is that is not who you are. Think for a moment. Who do you think you are? What makes you feel good about yourself?

If you are anything like me or several other people in western society; it will be helpful to look at your past experiences with family, friends, and in school, to answer this question. Let’s explore what it was like when you started school. School is an institution that shapes your self image, and helps you decide who you are in the world. Other institutions do, but school is one whose affects follow you for many years—probably a lifetime.

I remember when I went to school. I was much younger than anyone else. I was born late in the year, skipped kindergarten, and went straight to first grade. I wasn’t used to, or interested in, being there. I remember working on workbooks matching pictures with words. We would write our answers on green pieces of paper with very wide spaces between the lines, print our names on top, and then pass them in. I remember getting a paper back once with a big golden star on the top, and with a one hundred and excellent written on it. I smiled. It made me feel good. I also noticed someone next to me with a paper with a big red “F” on their paper, circled. We used to call them flagpoles.

At that time I didn’t know what it was. As time went on we learned that people with “F”s were stupid. The ones with the “A”s and the stars were smarter and better. We also learned, eventually, that it was all right to make fun of the people with the “F”s. When they got angry for being made fun of and started fights, we learned that stupid, violent, people often got the “F”s. The attacks just confirmed it. So a lot of my esteem was based on how I performed. If I could remember what the teacher told me and parrot it back better than anyone else, I was a good person.

When it came to playing sports, I discovered that it was the same. If I could perform better, people liked me, and patted me on the back. If I missed the ball too many times, people seemed to hate me. This is a very simple example of what happens during our lives. We are often judged on how we perform. It happens so much that we internalize these judgments. We begin to base our worth and value, our self esteem, on how well we perform. If we cannot perform as well as we like, we consider ourselves worthless failures, on a subconscious level. After that we withdraw from a world that we aren’t worthy of, and give up on our hopes, dreams and goals until we end up with nothing. This having nothing, especially no hope, is depression.

It is horrible to be depressed, but one thing that depression does is bring us to a state where we can look at the world and see that a lot of the things that we have learned most of our lives just aren’t true. We have all been sold a dead elephant that we can’t talk about, and we have learned to keep beating on that dead elephant trying to get it to move. This realization is dangerous if we do not take it a step farther and realize that not being able to conform to the lie is what is causing us grief. This realization is a launching pad for another realization that will bring us a happy, more fulfilling life: How we perform is not most important, how we are is.

Are you working from a strategy of performing, or being? The artist is an artist whether he can paint like Picasso or not, because something inside of him cries out to express his inner beauty through painting. If he ignores it and becomes a computer programmer, that part of him is still fighting to be fulfilled. Your depression may just be the part of you that needs to be expressed. The practical thing that comes out of this article: judge yourself and your worth based on how you are, not on what you can do. Begin to do the things for which you have been called. This is the first step at dealing with depression. Do your life calling.

There are thousands of books available that can help you do the inner work, unfortunately some are much better than others. I would suggest that you purchase one after reading these articles on self esteem, but if you would like to purchase one now please explore my website for recommendations and other articles. I look forward to talking with you in the next article. In the meantime begin to do what your heart is telling you, even if it is in your own closet. You might be surprised at how your mood lightens, and how you will look forward to getting better at what you’ve always wanted to do, one day at a time.

Dr. J. W. Gilmore is a Writer, Spiritual Director, Anti-oppression Consultant and Wellness Consultant. He is a Certified Massage Therapist and Reflexologist, a Reiki Master Teacher, a Martial Arts Instructor and a Spiritual Coach living in Costa Rica. For more article like this or similar information visit: http://www.dswellness.com. Recommended book, A Return to Being Human Religiously, Dr. John W. Gilmore.

Grieving for our animal companions is painful and can leave us feeling overwhelmed and unable to even imagine moving forward into life again. There are many reasons why this can happen, and yet, the most important thing is to find ways to decrease inertia and activate the self-healer within.

You and Your Intention are in Charge of Your Healing

You are the only one in charge of your healing. Even though you may be attending a support group, speaking with a counselor or clergy, or getting assistance from your physician or other professionals, the ability to make progress comes from inside. It is by having a clear intention to heal and through making choices that reflect that intention, plus sticking to your action plan, that you will have more success and a grief journey that flows with more ease.

Let’s first speak about intention. By proclaiming out loud, writing down, and sharing your intention with at least one other person, you will open the door to your healing potential.

This may seem simple, and yet it’s not really that straightforward for some folks. I have noticed over the years that there are some people who may say they want to feel better, and yet underneath is a different agenda. They may have a belief that by getting better, that they will lose touch with the deceased. For them, holding onto grief and pain is the only way they think they can stay connected with their loved one and with their life with the loved one. By healing and moving forward, they feel they would be betraying that relationship, almost as if they were saying they were going to be forgetting about the loved one and their times together.

This does not need to be the case at all. Moving forward means you are willing to take the grief, allow it to transform you, and to take steps forward into the new you, and into your new life, bringing with you all the love and memories you hold, and allowing your new life to unfold naturally. It does not mean forgetting and closing the door on the old life. That would be a form of disrespect to yourself and to your loved one. Rather, it means that you agree that you will allow yourself to be changed and molded into a better, more loving version of yourself, and that you will bring forward all the good qualities of your loved one and honor their memory and their gifts to you by making the decision to heal. You become a model of taking the love that existed between you and your animal companion and allowing it, along with the grief process, to shape you and your life into one with more purpose, more compassion, and more focus.

Sound good? All it takes is your decision to make this happen. You are in charge of your life in more ways than you know. To begin this part of the action plan, take a moment each day to do the following:

Standing (you will have a better connection energetically throughout your body, mind, heart and spirit), say out loud (preferably) a statement that is similar to the one below. Healing has as much to do with attitude as with anything else.

“I am committed to healing from this loss and pain, and I am

committed to moving forward and reconnecting with Life.”

Negative Thoughts and Painful Memories

Especially in the earlier part of your grief journey, you will have the tendency to focus on the last days and moments with your loved one. If you were there at the time of death, you will revisit those moments in a series of flashbacks. Plus, if the death appeared uncomfortable or distressed in any way, you will re-experience the feelings you had watching your loved one deteriorate or die. You may see your pet as they were having a seizure, or you may be remembering the look of their body after they died. These pictures and feelings come to you more frequently in the beginning, and will eventually fade. However, some people hold onto these pictures as well in their minds as it is their last ‘real’ (or what seems real to them) connection with the deceased. Sometimes when we are feeling intense pain, we at least feel alive. Many bereaved go in and out of feeling numb, and there can be some gratification derived from feeling the intense grief.

In addition, because grief can be particularly overwhelming initially, it is normal to have thoughts that aren’t ‘positive’ or particularly helpful to your healing. Such thoughts might be, “I can’t handle this,” “This is too much for me,” “I’m going to die from this,” “I want to die,” “I’ll never feel good again without them,” “I won’t ever feel happy again.”

Haven’t you had some of these thoughts after a loved one, animal or human, died? They are normal thoughts and it is also normal to re-experience the more ‘negative’ or distressing moments before the death. So what’s the problem? The problem is getting stuck.

In order to have a better flow in your life, grieving or not, it is important to find ways to balance the energies within. If you are constantly in a state of negative thought patterns, you will be sending direct and clear messages to your inner healer to go take a vacation, that you aren’t interested in feeling better.

However, in order to activate the inner healer, and yet stay true to your human emotions, all you need do is consciously choose to balance the statements, memories and thoughts that could sink you if you give them too much focus towards more positive and life-affirming thoughts and words.

Denying Thoughts and Feelings

Some people think that if they just force themselves to think positively, all the time, and to chase bad memories away, that they can move forward with ease. Unfortunately, the opposite is usually true. What we resist persists!

Instead, what I suggest to clients, and what I choose to practice myself, is a delicate balancing act. I allow myself the thought or feeling, and then I put myself into a position of power by using self-talk that acknowledges my ability to heal.

Let me give you an example. Right before my dog Bits died, I was in the emergency vets office and there were a few moments when she was fighting the oxygen mask and I was trying to keep it on. I believed the oxygen was helping her to be more comfortable in her final minutes, not wanting her to have to struggle for breath. I had just made the decision for euthanasia and was having a few moments alone with Bits before the vet was to return with the needle. After Bits’ 3rd attempt to get the mask off, I released it and within a minute, she died in my arms. She knew better than myself what needed to happen. However, after the fact, and for weeks, I often had that picture in my mind of her fighting the mask, and my attempts to keep it there. Not only was I dealing with the recurring image of her just wanting to die peacefully, but I also was replaying my guilt each time. We’ll get to guilt in a moment.

Acknowledge All Feelings and Thoughts, and Then Balance Them

So, in order to make my journey easier, what I needed to do was this:
When I had the image pop up along with the thoughts and feelings, I simply acknowledged them. “I’m seeing that picture again of Bits right before she died. I’m feeling sad or upset with myself that I didn’t get it right away that she was ready.” That is step one. You must acknowledge what is there, rather than ignoring it or shaming yourself for having those feelings and thoughts.

Secondly, follow this acknowledgement immediately with a balancing thought such as: “These pictures in my mind, and these thoughts and feelings are normal. AND, I am choosing to be gentle with myself right now. I did the best I could at that particular time with the information I had, and I believe that Bits knew that. She holds nothing against me, I’m sure, and wouldn’t want me torturing myself. These thoughts and feelings will pass, so for now, I will remember some of the other times I had with Bits. I know I was a good Mom to her and that she loved and appreciated me. I remember the day I got her…”(you place a good memory here). And then you also tell yourself that you are human, you will have negative thoughts and feelings, but that you are CHOOSING to heal by bringing balance to these experiences.

What To Do About Fear

Fear is normal and needs gentle recognition also. I’ve never met anyone grieving who wasn’t dealing with fear. Sometimes, the fear is very specific, such as the following. One of my clients avoided walking the route in her neighborhood where she used to walk her companion animal. “I can never walk that way again.” She asked me if I thought that would be ok. I replied that it is fine to walk any route she would like; however, the problem lies in how much space is being taken up in her head by her fear. What we fear usually becomes bigger when we don’t face it. It grows, and is a nagging, persistent thorn, even if we manage to keep ourselves distracted and busy. Fear uses up part of our energy reserves and puts a negative drain on our life force.

This particular client took the time she needed initially to walk her other dog on another route. Because she lived in a small subdivision, there really was no other route there to walk. So, she would put her other dog in the car and drive to a nearby neighborhood and walk there instead. At some point, she was willing to look at her fear and see what was there. I had her first write about it, and she even drew a picture of the route. She talked about who lived in what house, which dog belonged to which house, and related a couple of funny things that had happened on their walks there through the years. She cried and released more grief. My client realized that this route held nothing but good memories for her, and that she only avoided it to avoid the memories and her intense feelings. Once she decided to take her dog for a walk there, she discovered that it wasn’t nearly as hard as she had imagined.

With most fear, it is important to face whatever it is, and do it anyway, to walk through it. Obviously, this does not apply to fears that are there to protect us. For example, you may not want to jump off a cliff because you are afraid you will get hurt, even killed by the fall. That is a protective fear and needs to be listened to. You know the difference.

Self Talk as a Tool

When you are in a situation that scares you, and it’s related to your grief and the changes in your life because of the loss, look at what you are saying to yourself. Try saying something like this, “I am afraid that if I walk there, (or go to that particular store, or talk to that vet, or whatever it is that scares you), I won’t be able to control myself.” “It’s normal for me to have this fear and yet I won’t let it paralyze me. I will do this anyway, and I know I will be ok. If necessary, picture angels on either side of your supporting you in this process. Or, you can ask a friend to accompany you. You don’t have to do it alone, just do it.

Forgiveness and Guilt

Forgiveness is a key to moving forward. For anyone grieving, there is usually someone we blame for something. We may think the vet didn’t do something right, and that this contributed to the pet’s death. We may have some anger towards our partner because they didn’t love the animal the way we did. We could be upset about the lack of empathy or compassion from the medical staff. Most often, we hold something against ourselves, as if we are supposed to be perfect and have perfect judgment. We think that, “if only I had done this, that or the other thing, then everything would be different.”

If we hold onto resentments with no avenue for expression, they eat us up and cause problems down the road. Take time to write a letter(s) to as many people as you can think of that you may hold anger or resentment toward, even if it doesn’t have to do with this situation. The letters can be harsh, no forgiveness, just expressing the anger. These letters are not meant to be sent. You are writing them only to get the feelings and thoughts out on paper, to assist the letting go process. Then you can burn or tear them up, releasing the anger to spirit. You might add a prayer to this process, requesting help to release this resentment from your body, mind, heart and spirit.

Later you do the forgiveness statements. You could also write a short letter, repeating the process of release that you did above. Most especially, don’t forget yourself. Forgive yourself for any shortcomings you may feel you have. It’s important how you word these things. Something like, “Even though I don’t approve of what you did or said, I want to release my anger towards you. I let it go and this helps to heal me and to heal this situation.”
Or, “Even though I wish that I had done some things differently, I know I did the best I could at that time, and I forgive myself. I let go of judging myself because this will help me to heal and healing is what will honor the incredible love I have shared in this relationship with (deceased).”

Gratitude Is Essential

Healing happens with more ease and more flow when we take time to expand our gratitude. Take time each day to state the things you are grateful for. This is also a helpful exercise to do when you are having negative or painful memories.

For example, you see a woman in the park with her dog. They are having a game of chase the ball. You stop, shaken, as it brings back memories of doing the same with your dog. Instead of fighting back the tears and the pain, you choose to take a deep breath, allow the tears, and to have the following thoughts, “Seeing that dog running freely makes me miss being able to do that with Chester, and how Chester couldn’t run for a good six months before he died.” Instead of allowing yourself to go into a deep hole of replaying the last six months of Chester’s life, you follow this with, “Being sad is normal and part of my process. Seeing that dog and woman also reminds me of the fun that I had with Chester. I am grateful for all the years we had together, for our ball games and the exercise it gave us. I am grateful that I can still walk without assistance in the fresh air, and enjoy this park. I am grateful there are people like me, and that woman, who appreciate the special bond between humans and animals, and that some day, I can provide a home for another.” Your statements need not be identical; the important thing is to acknowledge, feel, and be grateful.

Gratitude also extends to the pain you are feeling. When you can feel grateful for your grief, and trust that it is transforming you in positive ways, you are well on your way to healing. Even if you don’t fully believe it, try stating this as well, “I am grateful for the lessons this loss and this grief have brought me. I trust they are helping to transform me into the next best version of myself, into someone more aware, more kind and loving, and someone with more purpose and passion for living.” You may not fully believe this, and that’s ok. By choosing to state them, you are more likely to have the positive results you desire because you are signaling your unconscious self what you believe. Our subconscious beliefs inform our actions and what we manifest every day.

Make a Stand To Connect With Life Again

There is a natural process that happens when we grieve, where we contract, or retract from life. We pull back, as we feel the intense emotions, and try to make sense of the changes happening in and around us. We need this time to traverse the difficult initial steps on our grief journey.

Then, there is a point where we must make the choice, do I want to close off to the world, or reconnect? Reconnecting is one of the ways that we can honor the deep love we shared with our animal companion. Most of us know that our loved ones in spirit would not want us to become hermits and close off our hearts and lives.

You also give meaning to your suffering by making the commitment to connect with life and love. This means you are taking a stance to love yourself better, the world around you and are willing to let go of the pain. You will still remember your loved one and honor her without making yourself suffer. S/he wants you to be happy and to give your love to the world.

One of the ways to reconnect is to begin doing some of the things you used to do but may have stopped. You can also try something new! If you have no animal in the home now, think about doing some traveling. Or, perhaps you will take a class at your local community college, just for the heck of it!

Give of Your Heart

Down the road, allow the possibility that you can honor your loved one by making a home for another deserving animal. Even though you may be afraid that you won’t be as loving towards the new companion, it’s ok. You have a heart that is capable of opening and giving, in a different way.

You can also do acts of kindness, either as volunteer work, or just doing random acts of kindness towards people you meet up with. We were put on this earth to be of service to each other, to give of ourselves. Start small if you need to, going out of your way to open doors for people, offering a tissue to a mother with a sticky-handed child, telling the mechanic that hands you your car keys that you’re grateful for his abilities and prompt service. Go ahead and feel the fear about being misjudged, or looking foolish, or whatever it is that holds you back from stepping forward; feel it, and then do it anyway. The rewards are so much greater than holding onto the fear!

Be Aware of Books Falling Into Your Lap

When we are ready to grow, resources are right there for us, if we are looking for them. I have so often found just the right book, or just the right person to help with a situation because I was open to receiving it. Have you ever been in a bookstore and a book either literally fell off the shelf, (and it wasn’t because you were leaning on it), or it caught your eye and when you looked inside, you saw it was just what you were looking for?

We have a lot of help that is invisible. I think it’s spirits of one form or another, a guardian angel, a spirit guide, or a deceased love one guiding us to the right book or person. Be open to this and you will probably get more help than you know what to do with!

Imagine Yourself Happy Again

Along the way, schedule some private, quiet time to shut your eyes, breathe deeply and imagine yourself smiling and laughing. Picture yourself as you would like to be, enjoying life again, perhaps more than you used to! Let yourself feel this in your body. It is by activating your imagination, along with your intention, and the positive steps outlined above, that you produce the desired results.

And remember, you are worth it. Your life is a precious gift, as was the life of your loved one in Spirit, and it is your choice to heal and grow.

Marcia Breitenbach is an author, speaker, musician and therapist who has facilitated pet loss support groups for the Humane Society. Visit her website to get a free soothing and inspirational song at http://www.griefandlosshelpsongletter.com
and http://www.griefandlosshelp.com for more information.

“What is your PROBLEM?” Have you ever gotten exasperated and
asked someone that in “that” tone of voice?

Mary: “I want to move near my grandchildren, but how on earth
will I move myself up there alone?” You: “Just call a moving
company. What is your PROBLEM?”

Abby: “I hate being an entrepreneur, but you have no idea how
hard it is to get back into a corporation with all the
downsizing. You: “Just call a career coach. What is your
PROBLEM?”

Millicent: “I ought to get a raise, but how on earth do I ask
him for one?” You: “Just ask. What is your PROBLEM?”

Antonio: “How on earth do I tell my wife I’m in love with
another woman?” You: “Just tell her. What is your PROBLEM?”

Liu: “I hate this house. I hate it.” You: You’ve been saying
that for 3 years now. What is your PROBLEM?”

What is the PROBLEM when the solution is so EASY?

++Easy to us who are on the outside. ++Easy to us who are not
emotionally involved and can therefore be objective ++Easy for
us who are not hamstrung by ambivalence (indecision) and can
think clearly ++Easy for us because we can think logically, and
the steps are obvious IF the decision has been made AND there
are no emotions involved.

How do you ask for a raise? Gosh, there must be 50 ways to ask
for a raise.

Remember that great old song by Paul Simon, “There Must Be 50
Ways to Leave Your Lover”? He’s talking with a woman …

”The problem is all inside your head,” she tells him. “The
answer is easy if you take it logically. I’d like to help you
with your struggle to be free. There must be 50 ways to leave
your lover.”

When we’re in an emotional situation, we can be “flooded” and
unable to think clearly. We get “hijacked.” How do you ask for a
raise? You ask for a raise. And it can really get painful to be
hung up that way.

“It grieves me so to see you in such pain,” she continues in the
song. “I wish there was something I could do to make you smile
again.”

He says he appreciates that, and would she please explain about
the 50 ways?

Slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don’t need to
be coy, Roy Just listen to me.

Hop on the bus, Gus You don’t need to discuss much Just drop off
the key, Lee And get yourself free.

And then she has a good idea. “Why don’t we just sleep on it
tonight,” she says, and then she kisses him, and he “realized
she probably was right … there must be 50 ways to leave your
lover.”

Smart girl! Emotions motivate us. We will sit on the fence until
the pain gets too bad in one direction, or the expected pleasure
too great in the other direction.

And when we get the feelings that motivate us, we discover there
must be 50 ways to …

As the poet said, “Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.”
Emotions are our guides. That’s what Emotional Intelligence is
all about.

One of the hardest symptoms to deal with during a depressive episode is feeling disconnected from reality. This feeling causes sufferers to retreat further and further into their own world. They become isolated from their loved ones and friends and the loneliness deepens the depression.

Here’s three ways to stop isolation from making depression worse.

1. Have at least one person you can turn to and have regular contact with 3-4 times a week. Someone you can call when you need to talk, someone who can be with you just watching TV or going to a movie. You don’t have talk about how you feel if you don’t want to and be clear that you don’t want to be questioned about your feelings. Hopefully, they’ll understand this and will be there for you when you need them.

2. There will be times when you just want to shut out the world and have your own space. Many sufferers just want to be alone in a quiet room such as their bedroom. There’s nothing wrong with this at all. But try not to make it a daily or regular habit. Schedule this once, maybe twice a week at most and be strict with it. It’s about a balance. Yes, shut the world out for a day or two each week. For the rest of the week, be around people, especially the special person we discussed in the first paragraph.

3. When you do shut the world out, do it in a way that helps you rather than hurts you. So, instead of retiring to a dark room and lying in bed to brood about your problems, try these: Mind puzzles – logic problems, crosswords, spatial puzzles etc. – jigsaw puzzles, draw or paint, play a musical instrument, write stories, watch TV or a movie, or read a book or a magazine and listen to some music. With a book and music, avoid anything too heavy or deep. Keep it nice and light. In this way, isolation doesn’t become a period of deep introspection where you worry or fret about problems or go over the past or beat up on yourself. You get the peace and tranquillity but not the torment that can accompany it during a depressive episode.

If you feel isolated and that life seems like a “virtual reality”, then please put these techniques to use. Isolation is a part of depression and the key to lessening the impact is to understand how it happens and use it so it helps you beat depression instead of keeping you trapped in it.

Copyright 2006 Christopher Green

Chris Green is the author of “Conquering Stress”, a special program which will show you how to conquer stress, depression and anxiety without taking powerful drugs. For a free e-course please click here => http://www.conqueringstress.com

A few months ago a new client called me to make an appointment. She had just been through a very painful separation. We talked about what she was experiencing and the healing process. It was clear that time was needed as the ending of the relationship had done what endings normally do – stir up painful memories of other endings. So she was not only grieving the loss of this relationship but other losses in her life as well. She wanted to rush through the process, skip the hurts; do something to make the pain go away. In desperation she asked me if I did hypnotherapy. I then asked her if she had been hoping that I would “put her to sleep” and then wake her up later with the pain all gone. She laughed and replied, “Yes, something like that.” Would that life were that easy!

Whenever we’re healing, whether it’s a broken heart, a battered ego, or a broken bone, we have to allow the healing to take place. I remember breaking my toe years ago. The physical pain was bad enough but I really went through a hard time as I had to give up my dance lessons and the various forms of exercises that I had enjoyed. After 4 months I asked my doctor if I could resume my lessons as I felt fine. He assured me that doing so would compromise the healing and that I needed to wait a bit longer. It is challenging to allow the healing process to be. We want quick and easy answers and reassurances that life will be as it was.

Think about swimming and the undertow. We are advised to stay calm, float with it and then allow the surface current to bring us back to shore. Fighting against it tires us out and results in certain death. We may feel we’re doing something about it but that’s not what is needed at this time. That is the same way busyness can create the illusion of movement and hide the fact that we’re stuck or sinking. I heard a joke years ago about a woman whose car had broken down and the person in the car behind her kept beeping his horn. She got out of her car and instructed him to start her car while she sat in his car and beeped the horn! We’ve all seen people who punch the elevator button several times (creating the illusion of control and doing something). The elevator closes in its own time.

Now doing nothing about a situation doesn’t mean that we sit, watch and do nothing! Life is a paradox. So while we’re doing “nothing” about the situation, we may be doing an infinite number of other things: practicing self-care, seeing friends, taking classes, seeing a therapist, reading books, helping someone else, learning a new skill, allowing living things – plants or animals – in our life, exercising… and before we know it, time has gone by and when we check, the intensity of the pain has lessened. We find our perception has shifted, we’re in better physical shape, we’ve created harmony in our environment, we’ve opened our hearts to others, we’re laughing more, and we’ve done nothing and everything to healing ourselves!

Reprint Rights: Ezine publishers may reprint this article, as long as the following information is included - the summary about the author and her company (see below) - all links are active.

Dawn Brown, M.Ed. (Counseling) is a specialist in relationship, career and life transitions. An international speaker, author (That Perception Thing!), and psychotherapist, she helps people to develop the tolerance for ambiguity that is essential to thrive in today’s climate of change and uncertainty. Her company, Perception Shift, is dedicated to creating a healthy approach to living. For more information visit http://www.perceptionshift.com

Her new book, Been There, Done That…Now What? is available at http://www.beentheredonethatnowwhat.com

How are we affected by Loss?

Part Two on Loss

“There is no real way to deal with everything you lose.”
Joan Didion, from an interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, January 6, 2004.

How are we affected
Who decides what a loss is and how deeply it is felt? It is up to each of us. You determine what the loss is and what it means to you.

I see four principle ways or areas of impact. These are some symptoms or indicators that we are experiencing loss.

Physically: Our body suffers. We neglect our self; we care less about and for our physical well-being. Disease and age also produce loss within and upon our bodies.

Emotionally: We may withdraw from others; not wanting to feel too much. We may lash out. Our emotions can be profoundly affected by loss.

Mentally: We may dampen down our thoughts. We may deaden our mind and avoid thinking or remembering in any number of ways. Our thoughts may turn negative, always seeing more loss in the future.

Spiritually: There may be a drawing away from beliefs long held; with a feeling that no comfort can ever come again from rituals and beliefs. There may also be a desire to find a new belief, one that takes the place of the old or fills this hole inside.

Will everyone respond the same way to loss? No, however most of us will respond in some negative or self defeating way for some period of time. If this is true, then what can any of us do to stop or minimize this

Part Three will look at how we can heal from loss.

© Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D. 2005

Fritz M. Brunner, Ph.D. is a coach and consultant engaged in working with people wanting to excel in life and business. He also leads tele-groups focused on loss. Please visit his web site at http://www.fmbrunner.com or contact him at fritz@fmbrunner.com

Sometimes women suffer with depression immediately after child birth and this depression is known as postpartum depression. There are five kinds of postpartum depression, any of which can occur after child birth; however similar depression can also occur before or during pregnancy as well.

Patients of postpartum depression who have had other kinds of depression in their lives state that this depression feels very different from any other kind of depression that they have faced in their lives.

What are the different kinds of postpartum depression and How can you indentify Postpartum Depression?

There are five main kinds of postpartum depression or postpartum mood disorders as they are also known and women who have given childbirth may be suffering from any one of these. A brief description of these is given below so that you can see the current news about postpartum depression:

1. Baby Blues – This is one kind of depression which is not considered a disorder at all and as many as 80% of mothers experience it.

The symptoms of the same are given below:

2. Depression and Anxiety – This is a postpartum depression which onsets gradually and which can happen any time during the first year of childbirth and is characterized by the following features:

3. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – This is a postpartum disorder with which 3 – 5% mothers struggle and it can be recognized with the following symptoms:

4. Panic Disorder – This postpartum disorder is found in about 10% of the pregrant women. The symptoms of the same are listed below:

There will be no triggers for these panics and they will happen suddenly.

5. Psychosis – This is the rarest and what may also be called the worse form of postpartum depression. In such a state the mother goes through tremendous strain to such an extent that this has got a suicide rate of 5% and infanticide rate of 4%. However Psychosis is quite rare and will only happen in one or two per thousand.

Following are the symptoms of psychosis:

Can I get help to fight postpartum depression?

This is a normal situation in the sense that many women suffer from it and it can be treated effectively through talk sessions with psychologists or medication. However, very often women who suffer from these also tend to be guilty of having such thoughts and they feel that it will be an embarrassment to tell other people that they are actually sad when they should be having the happiest time of their life. And so they end up hiding the problem which further aggravates it only.

On January 5th 2006 researchers annouced their studies, they learned that protein p11 plays a key role in depression. Protein p11 appears to regulate signaling of the brain chemical Serotonin. In so many studies done before Serotonin has been linked with depression and also anxiety disorders. The funny thing is Serotinon is what nearly every anti-depressant is made to regulate, including Prozac.

Whats the difference between protein p11 and Prozac you ask?
Prozac uses compounds called SSRIs, which increase levels of Serotonin in your body. These compounds interact with 14 different serotonin receptors. Prozac stimulates some of the receptors that cause negative side effects, p11 does not interact with these receptors.

So is this the end all cure all?
Maybe, some people react differently, If you do not experience any positive effects from anti-depressants then you can try Paxil. Which aims at the future of antidepressants targeting the 5-HT receptors, which cause very few side effects.

!Entreprenuer Alert!
Since p11 is a natural (organic) chemical it can not be patented! Using p11 in future antidepressants will soon be huge. The funds to get such a business started are unknown, but you could do some research and some deep pocket investing to be the first to jump on this market.

The author of this article is employed by MyQualityMeds.com Mexican pharmacy. Depression suffers can order Generic Paxil affordably through MyQualityMeds. Visit this authors blog for his most current health article.

Impulsivity – that’s how this all started. I ran across it as a symptom of bipolar somewhere in my endless hours of research. It was an exact fit for much of my behavior, thus peaking my interest. Some of the forms it takes are impatience, risk taking, spur of the moment thinking, underestimated sense of harm, extraversion, sensation and pleasure seeking, rapid decision making and the inability to resist temptations and the expression of it in an inappropriate environment. This definitely sounded like me. Well, my impulsivity research has lead to more information on borderline personality disorder (BPD) than anything else. So, since I found that BPD is often comorbid with bipolar, I thought I might as well share what I discovered.

DIAGNOSIS

BPD usually surfaces in the early twenties, but like anything there are no hard and fast rules. A continual pattern of unstable interpersonal relationships, poor self-image, impulsivity, anger and fear of abandonment are the hallmarks of this disorder. Unfortunately common symptoms occur in mood disorders, schizotypal personality disorders, paranoid personality disorder, ADHD and a host of others. It is estimated that nearly 6 million Americans suffer from BPD. To be classified as BPD, the DSM-IV states that you must meet five or more of the following criteria:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships

3. Identity disturbance – markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self damaging:

*Spending
*Sex
*Substance abuse
*Gambling
*Reckless driving
*Binge eating

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures or threats or self mutilating behavior

6. Affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

9. Transient, stress related, paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Associated features include a depressed mood, addiction or dramatic/erratic antisocial personality. Some suffer from transient psychotic-like symptoms (e.g. hearing their name being called) during times of stress. People with BPD may undermine their own goals by sabotaging themselves right before nearing the completion of the goal. Many feel more secure with transitional objects (e.g. pet or inanimate objects) than they do having interpersonal relationships. Despite the continuum of relationship problems they have, they may deny that they are the problem. In fact, often they blame others for their difficulties.

The following is a list of feelings and behaviors that are common among people with BPD:

Affect

* Helplessness or hopelessness or worthlessness
* Guilt
* Shame
* Anger (including frequent expressions of anger)
* Anxiety
* Chronic/episodic depression
* Loneliness
* Boredom
* Emptiness

Cognition

* Odd thinking
* Unusual perceptions
* Non-delusional paranoia
* Quasi-psychosis

Impulse Action Patterns

* Substance abuse/dependence
* Sexual deviance
* Manipulative suicide gestures/self-mutilation
* Other impulsive behavior (gambling, reckless driving, binge eating)

Interpersonal Relationships

* Intolerance of aloneness
* Abandonment, engulfment, annihilation fears
* Counter dependency

* Stormy relationships
* Manipulative
* Dependency
* Devaluation
* Masochism/sadism
* Demanding
* Entitlement

STATISTICS

Common Childhood Histories of People with BPD

* Physical Abuse
* Sexual Abuse (40-70%)
* Neglect
* Hostile Conflict
* Early Parental Loss or Separation

General Information

* BPD occurs in an estimated 2% of the population
* People with BPD comprise nearly 10% of the patients seen in out-patient clinics
* 15-20% of in-patient admissions are for BPD
* Sufferers of BPD comprise 30-60% of the clinical population with personality disorders
* 3:1 ratio of women to men who have BPD
* 69-75% of BPD sufferers resort to self mutilation

Miscellaneous

* 3-10% of completed suicides are by people with BPD (50 times higher than the general population

* Difficulty with academic, occupational or role functioning. People suffering with BPD have trouble holding down jobs due to their behavior, especially anger or aggression.

* Physical handicaps or scars Results from self-mutilating can cause embarrassment, shame and guilt thus causing the action to repeatedly cycle.

* Social costs Only about 1/2 of BPD sufferers will have a stable job or marriage after attaining functional roles 10 - 15 years after being admitted to a psychiatric facility.

* Medications and Therapy Recent studies do show a greater lifetime usage of most major categories of medications and of most types of psychotherapy than do patients with schizotypal, avoidant, OCD or patients with major depression.

DIFFERENTIAL DIAGNOSIS

A professional should always do a diagnosis of anything. And I mean ANYTHING. If your tree is losing its bark you call a specialist to figure out the problem. If you have problems with your physical health you go to a medical doctor. If you are having problems that are emotional or mental in nature you go to a psychologist or psychiatrist or both. This is not something to fool around with. Never try to self-diagnose or diagnose someone else. Articles, books and information on the Internet are simply meant to provide you with facts, ideas and options. They should be used to help you decide if maybe you need to see a professional. Remember, I’m not a doctor, I just play one on the Internet - so don’t take my information to be the absolute truth.

The reason you want to see a professional is that lists of symptoms from any source, including the DSM-IV, are tools that they use along with special training to provide you with a correct diagnosis. In fact, it is so difficult a job to diagnose illnesses that many of us have been misdiagnosed or had our diagnosis changed as other symptoms presented themselves. This is because so much of the criteria for one illness may also be close to or the same as that of another illness. Also, a professional relies on what they see and what we tell them to make a diagnosis, and let’s face it, the mentally ill are not always forthcoming with their problems to someone they just met. Some people are never completely honest with their doctors and don’t realize they are only hurting themselves. Ok, enough preaching on my part, on to some examples.

Features such as affective instability and impulsivity are criteria for BPD and bipolar disorder, Hopelessness and suicidal symptoms are major symptoms for BPD and also for clinical depression. It can be particularly difficult to differentiate between dysthymic disorder and BPD since the symptoms mimic each other. The major difference between these symptoms is the motivation behind them. With BPD interpersonal stressors such as rejection, abandonment, feelings of emptiness and self-condemnation trigger these symptoms. To give you an idea of how tough a psychiatrist’s job is let’s take one of the big symptoms of BPD - ANGER. Often it is referred to as “pathological aggression” and it is a symptom of the following illnesses:

*Borderline Personality Disorder
*Bipolar Disorder
*AD/HD (ADD, ADHD)
*Psychotic disorders
*Dysthymia
*Antisocial Personality Disorder
*Major Depressive Disorder
*Psychoactive substance intoxication and withdrawal
*Pervasive developmental disorders
*PTSD
*PMDD
*Intermittent Explosive Disorder
*Kleptomania
*Pyromania
*Pathological gambling

TREATMENTS

The treatment for BPD is similar to that of most mental disorders – medication and psychotherapy. As mentioned earlier, the sufferers of BPD show a high lifetime average of compliance with both of these treatments. Neuroleptics are particularly recommended for the psychotic symptoms and for patients who show anger, which must be controlled. Antipsychotics and antidepressants are used but should only be for short term use as needed to control symptoms. If BPD is comorbid with bipolar disorder then a mood stabilizer should be used as well. In fact, Depakote has been shown to diminish interpersonal sensitivity, anger, hostility and depression.

Like all personality disorders, BPD is intrinsically difficult to treat. Besides basic cognitive behavior therapy a newer psychotherapy by Marsha Linehan has proven to be very effective. It is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and is quite intensive. It seeks to teach the client how to learn to better take control of their lives, their emotions, and themselves through self-knowledge, emotion regulation, and cognitive restructuring. Personality disorders, by definition, are long-standing ways of coping with the world, social and personal relationships, handling stress and emotions, etc. that often do not work, especially when a person is under increased stress or performance demands in their lives. Treatment, therefore, is also likely to be somewhat lengthy in duration, typically lasting at least a year for most.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCES

In an effort to understand the plight of the BPD sufferer, I read many personal stories. What I discovered is that a few common themes infiltrated most of them. First is the amount of pain that is held inside that seems to be completely unbearable by the person. By most accounts the pain is indescribably horrendous and there is a universal belief that no one could possibly understand the depth of it no matter how hard they tried. This leaves them feeling alone, left out, scared and empty. Many will withdraw within themselves, thus the cycle of losing the sense of self begins. Eventually many end up with no sense of who they really are as a person. This hurt is typically triggered because of a fight, falling out or disappointment with someone who is very close to them. When they decide to make a friend or have a lover, that person becomes the center of their world so any conflict is a terrifying situation. In turn, once they have rejected a person, that person no longer exists to them.

During these conflicts someone with BPD can resort to tremendous acts of rage. Often they become violent or get into screaming matches with the person who has caused their pain. The black and white thinking that takes place in their mind makes it impossible to reason with them during these times. Their lashing out can be a way of controlling a situation and often they feel it is not the “real” them that is acting out. In other words, they dissociate or sometimes even split their personality. After these rages comes the overwhelming sense of guilt and shame. Without proper coping skills most will resort to some sort of self-harm. It seems to be the only way they can get the pain out of them – even though it is a temporary solution and most seem to know that.

An unusual paradox that takes place with BPD sufferers is the need to push loved ones away, yet most have a horrible fear of being left alone. They identify themselves in others and if left alone it’s as if they are nothing. This goes back to that loss of self and the inescapable pain they have trapped within. Most of this pain can be traced back to early childhood. Most of what I read mentioned childhood tragedies such as abandonment, emotional or physical abuse, sexual abuse or repeated rejection. Some of the stories brought me to tears thinking about what they had to endure and it helped me to understand why they push their true selves so far back that they don’t know who they are anymore.

Well, I found a lot more of myself in here than just the impulsivity that started the whole thing out. I identified with many other symptoms, especially the feelings of abandonment since my father left when I was 4 years old and I didn’t see him again for 19 years. I am always afraid of men leaving me. Certainly those who know me also know that I have quite a temper and can rage over the slightest thing. But, I don’t have BPD and I feel for those that do. It is my sincere hope that if you identify yourself in this article and think you may fit some of the criteria that you seek professional help. It can only make things better. And, even though you may feel like nothing and may feel worthless – you’re not. YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING! Help yourself come into the light and out of the darkness of despair.

Terry J. Coyier is a 37-year-old college student studying for an Associates of Applied Sciences degree. She is also a freelance writer who writes about bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. Terry was diagnosed with bipolar ten years ago. She lives with her son in the Dallas/Ft. Worth Metroplex. Terry is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ which is a site for Writers and her personal portfolio can be viewed here.