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“Tell me what company thou keepst, and I’ll tell thee what thou art.” - Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist.

Growing up I often heard my best friend’s father Nick say, “Show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you what you are!”

Well, that was usually followed by a long speech about why his son Frank should not have hung out with certain people.

I was like a second son to Nick so I would get to listen in on Frank getting yelled at. By that time, I had already been homeless and off the streets and working my way through High School, so I never thought of hanging out with the types that Frank did. Of course I was no angel but, I chose my friends as carefully as I could.

Frank never got the point back then, but Nick knew very well about the power of association.

You see Nick, grew up the only son of an entrepreneur and brother to six sisters. Since he was the baby boy, he got a lot of attention and love from his father. Although all of the children did, Nick got just a little more.

Nick’s father the owner of a motel and a construction company could rival the strength and attitude of the strongest of the strongmen of his day and even ours. He grew up with the same mentality of his father AND the strength to boot!

The problem with Nick was that he associated with the street gangs of his day and didn’t listen to his father when he gave him the same speech, “Show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you what you are!”

Associating with the wrong people didn’t end there though, later in life he ended up associating himself with the some of the most ruthless mobsters around and as time went on, Nick gained both the wealth and the bad habits these guys had.

Finally the days came when his acquired gambling addiction took all of the wealth away. Although he could have lost his life many times, it took the loss of his money to finally stop associating himself with these people.

“Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for ’tis better to be alone than in bad company.” - George Washington (1732 - 1799) US Statesman

Although Nick didn’t follow the above advice, he is still a good man and still does great things.

After all he took me off the streets, gave me a home and taught me lessons from his past.

Like Nick, many people don’t realize that wealth by association works the same as guilt.

When asked how he intends on being America’s first black billionaire, Don King said, “By hanging around other billionaires!”

The truth of the matter is that whether you want to learn something significant or learn to be more successful, the people you associate with are the probably going to be one of the major keys to your success. I’m sure you’ve heard countless stories about those “lucky” people who gained wealth and success through others who were more successful at the time. I’ve personally heard and learned about many such stories.

Association is one of the reasons that many people pay big bucks to me mentored by very successful people.

The “Key” reason peope do this is: In order to get what you want or learn what you want you must go to the source.

Find a personal or business mentor or coach and learn everything you can from them then apply it.

The other part of success by association is that you will generally attain the average success and/or wealth of your 10 closest friends. The reason for this is that by associating with people who are more successful or wealthier, you are then able to tap into their intellectual, spiritual or financial resources.

That my friend, is an enormously critical success factor. To see an example of this, look at marketing online or offline. You will see that people and businesses often associate themselves with each other (one being more successful than the other) to build both credibility and wealth.

Apply the Success By Association Principle to your business and life, then buckle up for the ride!

*** Rasheed Ali was once a homeless runaway on the streets of NY and is now changing the lives of thousands of people from all walks of life…Helping them reach their ultimate potential by conquering any and all obstacles through his Conquer Your Adversity Newsletter. He is also co-founder of http://www.SleepYourWayToRiches.com You can subscribe to his newsletter at http://www.RasheedAli.com ***

From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was demanding of attention, especially from her mother, Sarah. With two older brothers, Jennifer had a “special” place in the family as the baby and the only girl. She made sure to establish a “special” relationship with her mother, who relished the connection since she didn’t have much of a relationship with her emotionally distant husband.

It was easy for Jennifer to control her mother’s attention. Because her mother was needy for emotional connection and afraid of not being liked, all Jennifer had to do was get angry at her mother and Sarah would capitulate, giving Jennifer the attention she craved. Jennifer learned early to control her mother by becoming angry, critical and withholding love when her mother didn’t do what she wanted. Unwittingly, Sarah contributed to Jennifer’s neediness, entitlement issues, and the belief that happiness was dependent on approval and attention from others.

Jennifer, now in her late 30’s, finds herself continuing the pattern she started with her mother - attaching to others in needy and demanding ways. The result is she has not been able to have a successful relationship with any of the men she has dated.

We all have a need to feel special. It is not the need that is dysfunctional, it is how we go about getting the need met that can be either dysfunctional or healthy. It is dysfunctional when we make others responsible for making us feel special. When others have to give us attention, compliment us, seek us out, and attend to our wants and needs in order for us to feel special, our behavior is dysfunctional.

HEALTHY SPECIAL-NESS

You will stop pulling on others to make you special only when you accept the full responsibility of making yourself feel special. This means learning to give yourself all that you may be trying to get from others – treating yourself in the loving ways you desire from others. There are many ways of making ourselves feel special. Instead of trying to get others to give you what you want, you can:

* TAKE EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Attend to your feelings throughout the day and explore what you may be doing that is causing painful feelings, rather than making others responsible for your feelings.

o Attend to your own needs rather than expecting others to meet your needs.

o Accept yourself rather than judge yourself. Validate yourself, approve of yourself – tell yourself the things you want to hear from others. Value your talents and gifts.

o Value your intrinsic worth rather than just your looks or performance – your kindness, compassion, creativity, caring.

o Behave in ways that you value – being loving, kind, integreous, compassionate, understanding, caring.

o Pursue work you love, work that fulfills you, if possible.

* TAKE PHYSICAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Feed yourself well to maintain health and appropriate weight.

o Get enough rest and exercise.

o Create balance between work and play and creative time.

o Make sure you are physically safe such as when riding a motorcycle.

* TAKE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Make sure you are financially independent rather than dependent upon another, if physically able to do so.

o Spend within your means to avoid the fear and stress of debt.

* TAKE RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITY:

o Stand up for yourself and speak your truth rather than complying, defending or resisting in the face of others’ demands or criticism. Don’t be a victim.

o Refrain from blaming others, with anger and criticism, for your feelings and behavior. Don’t be a victim.

* TAKE ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Do what you say you are going to do regarding time and chores.

o Make sure your living space and work environment are clean and tidy, and esthetically pleasing.

* TAKE SPIRITUAL RESPONSIBILITY:

o Take the time to connect with the love and truth of God/Higher Power.

o Take time throughout the day to bring the love down to the level of your feeling self – your Inner Child.

Treating yourself in these loving ways will eventually result in feeling internally special rather than needing others to make you feel special.

As Jennifer practiced making herself special, she discovered that her relationships with others were becoming stronger and more fulfilling. People were no longer pulling away from her, resisting her, or defending themselves against her demands for attention. Her behavior naturally and gradually changed with others when she was treat herself as a special person.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

margaret@innerbonding.com

One hour here, two hours there, even fifteen minutes, it all
adds up, and quickly too. Television is toxic to our self-
esteem. In fact, 90% of television programs are a
depressant. That leaves only 10% as a stimulant. With such
a high percentage of negativity fueling the majority of this
country television must play into the fact that anti-
depressant consumption is doubling by the year. So, if you
are wondering why you have low self-esteem, think about your
television habits.

Look how long the tobacco industry used television to
convince us smoking was “Cool.” If that doesn’t hit you,
now we know that fluoride is a toxic substance that
manufacturers couldn’t figure where to dump, so the
advertisers convinced the public, and the majority of the
dentist community, how great it was for our teeth,
especially our children. Now, the truth is really out,
including cancer in children in academic portions.

When is enough, just that, enough? Is the public that
gullible? Advertisers say yes, and we keep supporting it
because we keep buying and doing the behavior.

In order for advertising to work, advertisers must create a
problem or target a problem. If the problem isn’t big
enough, they blow it up with misleading information to push
the problem up in our perception. Then they promote a
solution with a limited perception. These internal messages
tell us we need to be dissatisfied with our lives, what we
own, and especially our self-worth with their answer. No
matter where you are on the social scale, commercials
purposely make us feel that we haven’t arrived yet.

If you love your two-year car, they tell you how great it is
to buy a new one, and, of course, your self-esteem will rise
just because you drive it. The next time you drive your car
this message plays even if you don’t think it’s playing in
your mind. In addition, with all the car ads on television,
how can you miss one even if you mute or leave the room
during the commercials, you still get the tail end of one?

Advertiser even play people by giving expensive cars to
celebratees, create hype about them having the car, which in
turn creates the “keep up with the Jones” effect. Then, the
fans of those celebratees have just “got to have” that car
in order for them to respect themselves in the morning. The
individual’s emotional roller coaster begins in shopping for
the car, through the buying process, and the first few
months with the new car. Afterwards they must sit down,
watch 30 or 40 car television “gotta have” messages just
after writing a their car payment check for that new car and
immediately get depressed because they have $10 left in the
account and they now want the other new car. Then talk show
programs tell them they can’t manage their money and all it
takes is simple common sense. They get down on themselves,
grab another anti-depressant, and watch another car ad.

Its a-no-wonder depression is doubling year in children in
America. The message we’re bombarded with is whatever we
own isn’t good enough. Moreover, we allow the television to
be our babysitter while we are off doing something else.
Would you hire an individual to stand in front of your
children and yell at them every 10 to 15 minutes for 3 to 6
minutes on what to buy? No, television is doing it for you
already. Parents, what-are-ya-thinking? Or aren’t you?

Even though we’re intelligent enough to know that our life
is good, that most television programs and all commercials
are negative, the majority of the people still sit there and
soak it all in.

It’s scary to think how as a society we’ve allowed this to
have such a profound effect on us. Television advertisers
take the most basic human needs, social stimulation and
community, mix it with perception fallacies, like “we’re not
good enough” without whatever it is, and push it out. Why
is it so easy to influence us on how we need to fit into the
social mode?

Some people say if you don’t like it, just turn the thing
off or do without it. Or we need to be smart enough and
just watch the “good” stuff. Yet, even when we do that,
there are still the commercials.

Television is influential enough for humans to change their
values and the values of all the generations that follow.
Take a close look at someone who is financially well off and
ask them how much television do they watch. The major
respond, “they don’t have time,” some even say they don’t
even one a television set. Why? Because of its negative
influence.

Television can and does bar our own success. This author
tossed hers out five years and prosperity has doubled
because of it. Her self-esteem is up 1000% and her weight
down 35%.

Be smart in your life — turn of the darn tube off — maybe
then you can stop taking so many aspirins or depressants.
Don’t believe me, prove me wrong, try it for 30 days, and
write and tell me that turning it off didn’t improve your
life.

Television is an addictive habit and all addiction includes
a withdrawal stage. The same effect when you are getting
off carbs, caffeine, or sugar. Even those are in the body
and the television in your mind, your body will still react.
Hence, be gentle with yourself. When this writer weaned off
television, she paced in front of it every night just like
opening the refrigerator to see what’s available when you’re
not hungry. Television isn’t your babysitter, the majority
of the time it’s a drug. Children will go through a similar
withdrawal stage as well.

The only way to reduce the withdrawal stage is to substitute
it with something you like to do more than watch television.
Make a list of these activities. It will help you when you
are pacing in front of that bare spot.

Read a book, have a conversation, play with the kids, write
a book, there’s so much more to life. Start a business,
write a book, volunteer, clean out the garage. Oops, the
last one can’t ever be better than watching television but,
honestly, you will sure please your wife if you do it.

Take a stand, change by taking new action, and make better
choices this month with your time. Eliminate television.
Sit in front of a fireplace looking at the family album
laughing at everyone’s baby pictures. Do this and your
self-esteem, and the people you share more experiences with,
is guaranteed to soar.

A life coach supports individuals in finding what is
affecting their lives and making changes in order that the
prognosis is more happiness and prosperity. Catherine Franz
is the coach you want to hire to give you just that support.
Find abundance at: http://www.abundancecenter.com

Everyone seeks peace and harmony, because these are what we lack
in our lives. From time to time we all experience agitation,
irritation, disharmony, suffering; and when one suffers from
agitation, one does not keep this misery limited to oneself.

One keeps distributing it to others as well. The agitation
permeates the atmosphere around the miserable person. Everyone
who comes into contact with him also becomes irritated,
agitated. Certainly this is not the proper way to live.

One ought to live at peace with oneself, and at peace with all
others. After all, a human being is a social being. He has to
live in society–to live and deal with others. How are we to
live peacefully? How are we to remain harmonious with ourselves,
and to maintain peace and harmony around us, so that others can
also live peacefully and harmoniously?

One is agitated by Energy Blockages. To come out of the
agitation, one does not need to know the basic reason for it,
the cause of the suffering. Only you need to know the Energy
Enhancement techniques for healing Energy Blockages. In this way
we can clear ourselves of all Karma and instead create good luck
for ourselves and everyone around us.

If one investigates the problem, it will become clear that
whenever one starts generating or creating any Energy Blockage,
a negativity or defilement in the mind, one is bound to become
agitated. A negativity in the mind, a mental defilement or
impurity, an Energy Blockage cannot exist with peace and
harmony.

Energy Blockages are created when something you do not want
happens to you in this lifetime or one past, when you absorb the
Energy Blockage from people around you, or When some bad person
implants you with an Energy Blockage.

These Energy Blockages are force fields which contain Negative
Karmic Mass, which is created through the perversion of pure
positive spiritual energy, usually when something bad happens to
us. Thereafter the Energy Blockage impurity forever creates
agitation, fear and pain within our psyches.

How does one start generating negativity? Again, by
investigating, it becomes clear. I become very unhappy when I
find someone behaving in a way which I don’t like, when I find
something happening which I don’t like.

Unwanted things happen and I create tension within myself.
Wanted things do not happen, some obstacles come in the way, and
again I create tension within myself; I start tying knots within
myself. And throughout life, unwanted things keep on happening,
wanted things may or may not happen, and this process or
reaction, of tying knots–Gordian knots– or Energy Blockages
makes the entire mental and physical structure so tense, so full
of negativity, that life becomes miserable.

Now one way to solve the problem is to arrange that nothing
unwanted happens in my life and that everything keeps on
happening exactly as I desire. i must develop such power, or
somebody else must have the power and must come to my aid when I
request him, that unwanted things do not happen and that
everything I want happens.

But this is not possible. There is no one in the world whose
desires are always fulfilled, in whose life everything happens
according to his wishes, without anything unwanted happening.

Things keep on occurring that are contrary to our desires and
wishes. So the question arises, how am I not to react blindly in
the face of these things which I don’t like? How not to create
tension? How to remain peaceful and harmonious?

In India as well as in other countries, wise saintly persons of
the past studied this problem–the problem of human
suffering–and found a solution: if something unwanted happens
and one starts to react by generating anger, fear or any
negativity, then as soon as possible one should divert one’s
attention to something else.

For example, get up, take a glass of water, start drinking–your
anger will not multiply and you’ll be coming out of anger. Or
start counting: one, two, three, four. Or start repeating a
word, or a phrase, or some mantra, perhaps the name of a deity
or saintly person in whom you have devotion; the mind is
diverted, and to some extent, you’ll be out of the negativity,
out of anger.

This solution was helpful: it worked. It still works. Practicing
this, the mind feels free from agitation. In fact, however, the
solution works only at the conscious level. Actually, by
diverting the attention, one pushes the negative Energy Blockage
deep into the unconscious, and on this level one continues to
generate and multiply the same defilements. At the surface level
there is a layer of peace and harmony, but in the depths of the
mind there is a sleeping volcano of suppressed negativity which
sooner or later will explode in violent eruption.

Other explorers of inner truth went still further in their
search; and by experiencing the reality of mind and matter
within themselves they recognized that diverting the attention
is only running away from the problem.

Escape is no solution: one must face the problem. Whenever a
negativity arises in the mind, just observe it, face it. As soon
as one starts observing any mental defilement, it begins to lose
strength. Slowly it withers away and is uprooted.

This is the case with all weak Energy Blockages, however for
very deep and powerful Energy Blockages one must meditate with a
Master of Meditation, within his buddhafield. Let the Master do
the work!.

Or one must learn very powerful blockage busting techniques.
Then, like Alexander the Great, you can learn how to cut the
Gordian Knot with your sword of Discernment!

Usually, the necessary solution is a mixture of both being with
a Master of Meditation, and learning advanced Blockage Busting
techniques yopurself. This we do in Energy Enhancement!

Why meditate?

Much of the stress of being creative is actually created in our minds. Oh great! Another thing to manage! You can find yourself in a totally wonderful situation and be stressed off your nut. Or, you can be in what seems to be a killer environment and be having the time of your life.

As Professor Sumner Miller used to ask in the Cadbury chocolate ad: ‘Why is it so?’

It’s the mind. Ah! A magnificent and treacherous contraption. A monkey. A rabbit. A chaser down wormholes. Able to leap tall buildings in a single thought!

To develop the mind so that it doesn’t run rampant is one of the great challenges for a Creative. The same mind that can come up with a great departure point for your fiction can do exactly the same thing for your everyday life - invent tragedy where there is a hiccup, race ahead of a confrontation to the images of complete and irretrievable mayhem, suspect sabotage where there is innocent enquiry…

Where do I begin?

You do just that. You begin. And do some calming and re-nourishing practice regularly. Just as regular practice of your craft strengthens it and allows you to rely on it being more easily accessible, so too does regular practice at being calm and centred strengthen your mind’s ability to call on those skills more readily.

How might it feel to have a mind that is quieter, focused, able to be drawn back from the precipice of stress?

Yes, you need some adrenalin and flights of fancy to do what you do. But do you have to suffer that much?

Some starters for the newbie de-stresser.

1. Find a relaxation practice that you can do regularly.

2. Take a check of your stress boosters and limit them. (Stimulants are a killer. The last thing you need when you’re stressed is to further stress out your adrenals with coffee, coke, smokes, booster drinks and em little druggie things.)

3. Limit gossip and other similar practices of speech that encourage the mind to run away carelessly.

4. Breathe through your nose rather than your mouth. It stimulates nerves in the face that centre you and ground you.

5. Be simple with yourself. Do all you can to be in a containable situation. Get help where you can, negotiate for decent wages and work conditions and organise your schedule so that you are not attempting the superhuman in 3 days for $4.54. (Oh yes, it will be rounded DOWN!)

But we all know that our creative environments aren’t always containable. And how freaked out you get is a point of choice (backed up by the biggest chorus line of fear you’ve ever seen live on stage!) It’s worth practicing a calming method regularly so that as you feel your freak thermometer rising you can intercept it and chill.

It’s not an easy path, but there are choices and you CAN lessen the stress by adjusting your perception and limiting the replays and internal arguing that can go on for days after the event. (You see! You’re not the only one that does that! Sigh! Not even your worrying is original!)

How can I start to meditate?

Well, if you’re anything like me, your mind is going to run you ragged just trying to avoid sitting quietly for any length of time.

I’ve found that beautiful audio guided meditations are really powerful, especially when I’m working on new material. My mind’s too wandery and wavey to get the job done alone. So I pop on a CD, hole up for an hour and get the calm muscle toned, guided by a voice. Absolutely recommended!

If activity is more what’s needed try a walking meditation

Standing upright and still, right hand in left hand near the navel (hands clasped loosely) place one foot forward s-l-o-w-l-y on the ground saying gently ‘Heel, ball, toe’ as you place that part of your foot on the ground. It’s r-e-a-l-l-y slow. Do this type of walking for around 15 minutes. You’ll know when your mind is wandering and chattering because you’ll stumble! Pretty obvious, eh?

Keep the focus exactly on the foot you are placing down. The breath may want to release as you place the the foot down. Just let it, but keep the main focus on the foot. Keep eyes on the ground about 2 metres in front of you. I swear, this will really wind you back!

A mind able to focus is a powerhouse of creative energy. Get started well before you need to and you’ll have a great companion in your expressive work - not a monkey on your back!

Andrea rieniets is an Indie musician living in Melbourne and Adelaide Australia. For fabulous free tips on being creative visit her blog at http://www.crikeymoses.com Listen to Andrea’s gorgeous music at http://www.gorgeousworld.com
‘Intensely tuneful songwriter with a swag of techno savvy’ Rolling Stone