Business, economic development - the unofficial Chamber of Commerce

Are you tired of the same routine day after day? Do you feel as if today is only a speed bump in the road between yesterday and tomorrow? Well, you’re not alone! Many people live day-to-day with little hope for anything getting better. Some are trapped in corporate jobs where they are little more than rats in a maze. Others have routines at home that leave them uninspired and unchallenged.

There is hope for a better day. Try these seven suggestions:

1. Exercise Nothing gets your brain in gear like exercise. If you will start the day with a moderate workout, you likely will be more productive throughout the day.

2. Solve a problem You might choose a crossword puzzle or a brain teaser of some sort, but exercising your brain actually will help you solve other problems you face.

3. Read Set aside a portion of your day to read something inspirational or entertaining. Some people read comic strips while other people have daily devotional activities. Whatever you do, read something!

4. Laugh Life is too short to take it all so seriously. Enjoy life by finding humor in your daily activities.

5. Make a difference in someone else’s life Make it your point to make other people smile. From the server at the restaurant to the bank teller, people always are trying to make your life easier. Tell them you appreciate their effort and go out of your way to show them you care.

6. Admit your incompetence You don’t know how to do everything, so don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know.” When you admit the limits of your knowledge or expertise you have the opportunity to validate someone else in his or her knowledge or expertise.

7. Learn something new Before the day ends, make it a point to stretch the limits of your knowledge by discovering something you don’t already know. Maybe you just need to look at a map and see where that city or country is located. Maybe you need to look up a word you find in a newspaper or magazine article. Whatever it is, there is something to learn today.

Of course, the first step to having a better day is your choosing to have a better day. Otherwise, you are destined to have todays and tomorrows that look a lot like your yesterdays!

Dr. Terry Hadaway is an author, motivational speaker, university professor, and conference leader who is recognized as a leading authority on elearning, decision-making, and adult education. Visit http://www.thinkingboxmedia.com for more information.

If one thing is for certain, each of us will experience some form of adversity while we are still breathing on this Earth. Unfortunately, some of us will experience more than our fair share of adversity, either in the workplace or in our personal lives.

Over the years, I feel I have been fortunate to experience unpleasant and often times, life-altering situations. Although at times I find it difficult to sustain a positive attitude while working through adverse situations, whether it be the lose of a job, a relationship breakup, looked over for a promotion or battling a major health issue, I know deep down that by working through and learning to find purpose and meaning in these situations is where I will encounter my greatest triumphs.

I have often said “we may ‘go’ through adversity, but we may not know how to ‘get’ through adversity.” Each time I experience something unpleasant I ask myself “what can I learn from this situation and how has my past behavior contributed to my current state?” Instead of burying my head in the sand just waiting for time to pass, or the Universe to forget about the situation, I actively work through the adversity, which helps ease the pain and frustration.

As I assess what I have learned and how I have grown through the years, I have shaped 10 survival strategies that have allowed me to get through the tough times. They include:

* Patience – This could be the hardest of all to achieve although one of the first thing we must develop when faced with adversity. The key to developing patience is to know in the end everything will work out the way it’s intended to. Also key to developing patience is surrendering your self to the fact that there is a time frame for everything. I like to use the analogy - that if you want to have a baby even though you (or your wife) may be pregnant you still have to wait the gestation period before the baby actually arrives.

* Forgiveness – Forgive the other person for wronging you. By not allowing yourself to forgive you utilize a great deal of negative energy as you harbor old thoughts and feelings. Learn to forgive and use this same energy in a positive way to take back your life. While forgiving the other person make certain you forgive your self for any misgivings or shortcomings, otherwise half the negative energy still remains.

* Acceptance –Accept the hand you were dealt - even a pair deuces can win the game.

* Thankfulness – Be thankful for the adversity. Adversity is God’s way of saying “you are worthy of my teachings.”

* Detachment – We have all heard the phrase – “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” If something is meant to be a part of your life, it will materialize, so there is no need to desperately hold onto anything.

* Understanding: Why This vs. Why Me? – I feel our first inclination when something negative happens to us we ask “why me?” Normally asking this question doesn’t provide any answers other than making us feel guilty for having asked it in the first place – really, why not you? No one is immune to pain. Simply reword the question and ask “why this?” By asking “why this” it typically leads us to understanding our past thoughts and actions that may have (karmically) contributed to our current state, allowing us to get to the root of the situation.

* Meditation or Quiet Time – I always say “it is only in the silence can we hear God’s voice.” Allow for quiet time to reflect up your desires and listen closely and intently to what is happening all around you – you will find your answers in the silence.

* Maintain a Creative Mind – Eliminate boredom otherwise it will lead you toward frustration and depression. Take up a hobby, do some writing, volunteer your time or spend time with friends and family. Any, or all of this, will make you feel good about yourself, allowing you to want to move forward.

* Work Toward the Future – Even if you do not feel things are moving forward, work on creating the future you desire. You can plant tiny seeds by going back to school, read material that is related to your desires, commit by writing out your goals and desires or network with like-minded people. Each step you take, no matter how small moves you toward your future.

* Trust – Let God and let God. All we really have control over is our actions and a gut feeling (or hearts desire) of what we hope the outcome of our lives to be. The rest is up to a higher power greater than our own. Trust the Universe will provide you with exactly what you need when you need it.

Linda Furiate is a personal coach, mentor, astrologer and author. She is also the creator and host of Portraits in Determination, a cable access TV program showcasing the lives of those who have suffered adversity and have grown emotionally and spiritually as a result of their experiences. Stayed tuned for October 21, 2005 @ 4:00 p.m. PST to hear live on the internet a weekly radio version of the show – log onto http://www.health.voiceamerica.com For more information log onto http://www.portraitsindetermination.com

Experience has shown that creative visualization works. It is quite possible to prove that circumstances and events follow thoughts. Take any situation or happening in your life, and go back to find what kind of thoughts preceded the event. You will find out that a particular event, followed particular thoughts.

Here are the reasons why visualization produces results:

# We are an inseparable part of the creative Universal Mind. Our thoughts are projected into this omnipotent power, and cause its tremendous power act on our behalf. The Universal mind and us are partners in creating our life.

# Everything in the Universe is interconnected. Each thought, action and event in the universe are connected, and influence each other. Each thought and action causes reactions and repercussions.

# Everything in the Universe is energy. We see differences because each object has a different wavelength and density. We live in an ocean of energy. Each wave in this ocean influences the other waves. Thoughts, as part of this body of energy, work with the creative Universal energy and interact with it.

# Thoughts are like a magnet, they attract similar thoughts and circumstances. Thinking one thought invites into the mind more similar thoughts and ideas. These thoughts tend to attract circumstances that are in accordance with them.

# A clear mental image radiates from the mind of the one thinking it, and is transmitted to other minds. Whoever is receptive to this kind of thought may perceive it and act on it, thus being the agent to fulfill the desire.

# By repeating the same thoughts day after day, the subconscious mind is driven to act on them. In this way habits and behavior are formed. The thoughts that sink into the subconscious mind drive people into corresponding action.

# Each thought we think arouses an associated emotion. If the emotion is strong enough, it incites to action. Strong thoughts energized by emotions cause more energetic and definite action than weak thoughts. Such an action brings results in accordance with the thought that prompted it.

# Similar thoughts bring people together. When one person has a need, and the other can supply it, their thinking can bring them together in a surprising manner. This is what we call a coincidence.

Some time ago I have heard the following story, which can illustrate such a coincidence:

A woman has been searching for of a new job as a graphic designer. One morning, while going towards her car, she found out that she had a flat tire. Reluctantly she took the spare tire out, and prepared herself for the unpleasant task of changing it.

As she was trying to loosen the screws of the tire, a car stopped by, and the driver asked her if she needed any assistance. She accepted his help, and while changing the wheel they started to talk.

It turned out that he owned a graphics designing company, and needed desperately a qualified and experienced graphic designer. To her surprise and joy, he requested her to come to his office later during the day, with her certificates and recommendations for an interview.

She did not have to wait for the interview, as she was always carrying her certificates and recommendations with her. When he saw them, he was deeply impressed and hired her on the spot.

This meeting brought together two people who needed each other in some way. It was no coincidence, as one was thinking about hiring someone, and the other about finding a new job. Their thoughts brought them into meeting each other.

This is an excerpt from the book “Visualize and Achieve” by Remez Sasson

© Copyright Remez Sasson

Remez Sasson writes and teaches about self-improvement, positive thinking, creative visualization, success, mind power, spiritual growth and meditation. He is the author of several books, and the publisher of the biweekly ezine, “Consciousness and Success”.

Visit his website http://www.SuccessConsciousness.com, and find many article, quotes and ebooks.

Abundance…this word has become quite popular these days as one of the latest “metaphysical buzzwords”. “Creating abundance”, “manifesting abundance”, and “living the abundant life” are just a few of the abundance of abundant clichés these days. All of these sayings are trying to convince us that this abundant Life is just out there waiting for us to step into it. So you may be asking the $50,000,000 question: “How do I do that?” Quite frankly, I’m not sure I have all the answers to that but I do have some ideas that I thought I might share with you. Actually, I have only one idea (“brilliant simplicity”…maybe the next great buzz-phrase?!!): Be ye not redundant.

There are 2 old sayings that come to mind around this redundancy theory. The first is, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten”. And the second is, “The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over again, expecting a different outcome.” You have very likely heard these before so let me give you my “rocket-science” version: If you want more and you’re not currently getting more with your current choices, then just do it differently. Amazing, huh??!! Many times simple and less IS better. In other words, don’t be redundant in living your Life.

Redundancy may be unconsciously (or consciously)attractive because of it’s predictable familiarity. If you’ve already done “it” then you are bound to be more comfortable doing “it” again. Comfort, predictability, and familiarity, however, may all be roadblocks to abundance. So perhaps the choice is weather or not you are willing to go out on a limb (by the way, that IS where all the fruit is!!) and take a risk into unchartered territory.

If you look back over your Life you will find numerous examples of your courageous risk-taking that lead to abundance. Many of these events took place when you were very young and were not conditioned to “play it safe”, but rather, you were in full exploratory mode. Examples include your first spoken words and the abundance of conversations you have had since then; your first step and the endless transportation of your body ever since; your first bicycle riding experience and the countless hours (some of which included “no hands”) of cruising this earth on those two wheeled machines; and your first interaction with a stranger that has enabled you to meet numerous “strangers”, many of which are now your friends and loved-ones.

The concept and meaning of abundance is all about living Life to your fullest capacity. Here’s the REALLY good news: You are wired for abundance. Take a look around and you will see that the three elements that you need the most are found in practically unlimited abundance: Light, water and food. Furthermore, a squirrel never frets about where it will find it’s next meal, nor does a tree concern itself with ever being without enough sunlight. Don’t you think you are as important as these? They live in abundance, so why shouldn’t you??!! You have an abundantly brilliant mind and an abundantly creative spirit, both of which are waiting for you to use them abundantly. So why waste your gifts with the redundant? Here’s the short Nike-like version: Just do it differently!!

Here are a couple ideas to get you started:

• Drive to work a different way everyday.
• Read a magazine that you’ve never read before.
• Talk to a stranger that you would normally walk past.
• Write a letter to yourself with your non-dominant hand.
• Get up extra early and stay up extra late.
• Listen to music that you’ve never listened to.
• Eat at a restaurant that you’d normally not go to.
• Create a list of ten abundant affirmations for your Life and carry yourself through each day believing in them and acting from them.
• Talk to your Higher Power more frequently.

If you want abundance, then give up redundance and just simply “do it differently”. You will be pleasantly surprised with your results.

Ken Donaldson has been based in Tampa Bay offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His REALationship Coaching programs empower people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships by building a powerful relationship with themselves first. Visit his website at http://www.REALationshipCoach.com for more information and sign-up his free e-program Illuminations and Sparks of Brilliance. Ken is also the author of the upcoming book Marry YourSelf First!

Copyright 2005 Robert Evans

How often have you struggled with yourself over the work that
needs to be done? How many times have you put off performing
some task or other because it’s too mundane?

Not everything you do in business is going to excite you. There
will be many times when you just can’t get yourself sufficiently
fired up to make the effort to start, develop or even finish a
project.

I get like that quite often. I admit it. I am no different to
you. I have left many projects unfinished simply because I am
unable to motivate myself to put in one last push. Of course, I
know that by bringing the work to fruition I will have
significantly enhanced my business. Perhaps even to the extent
that I take it to the next level, or that I increase my earning
potential.

While I am no different to thousands of other internet marketers
or business owners, I do try to keep myself motivated by
remembering this little story.

Whenever I read it I always feel uplifted and ready to take on
the world! Here it is:

Some time ago I read the story of a man who overcame seemingly
unsurmountable obstacles to achieve a lasting ambition…

I do not remember this man’s name, but in a way that does not
matter. It is his story that is important.

For many years he edited a magazine that explored and championed
Freedom of Speech down through the ages. Towards the end of his
life he decided that it was time he wrote a book on the subject.

He had always been inspired by Socrates, so he decided to write
the definitive book on the Greek Philosopher. Now, in order to
do this, he knew he would have to read EVERYTHING that had been
written about the man.

But he did not want to read translations - even those written in
Modern Greek. No, he knew that in order to really get a sense of
what Socrates was about he would need to read old manuscripts
written in Ancient Greek.

He did not know any Ancient Greek. But he set out to learn it.

At this point I should explain that by now our budding
biographer was 80 years old and suffered from cataracts over
both eyes!

This did not deter him.

For months he sat down in front of a computer screen that
displayed giant letters (because he could not read small letters
on account of his poor eyesight) and proceeded to learn the
obscure and incomprehensible language of Ancient Greece.

Once he’d learned the language, he then read everything on
Socrates, translated it into English for his own purposes and
turned what he had learned into one of the best books ever
written about the philosopher.

Remember this…

* he was in his 80s when he started the project!

* he had cataracts over both eyes!

* he had to learn a new language in order to do his research!

he read every ancient manuscript on the subject! And finally…

He produced a work of fantastically high quality!

In my opinion, this is the ultimate kick-butt motivational
lesson!

All of us want to improve at something at some time in our life. And all of us find ourselves in the position to help others improve. One of the tools that aids in this improvement is coaching.

Author Ken Blanchard calls feedback the “breakfast of champions.” The truth is that giving feedback is one key to successful coaching and being open to and receiving feedback is one of the most important skills we can learn if we want to maximize our productivity and success.

There are many useful techniques and guidelines for giving and receiving feedback. Since feedback is such a central skill, we need to understand more than just the “how to’s” – we need to go underneath the techniques, and behind the guidelines and go to the source.

There are three sources of all coaching and feedback and one factor will dictate how successful any of it will be, regardless of the source. All the techniques and approaches we have read, learned and used come from these four pieces of information. When we understand feedback at its deepest roots, we can transcend the techniques, using them as truths rather than as fill-in-the-blank formulas.

The Three Sources

All coaching or feedback – whether requested (and received) or given (or offered) comes from one of or some combination of these sources.

Expertise/Experience. Often we are in a position to provide feedback or coaching to someone who isn’t as expert or experienced in something as we are. Because of our experience and knowledge we are in a great position to give them wise counsel. And when you want to learn something, one of the things you will do is find an expert. When we can get coaching from a true expert we will be open to what they have to say because we value the information so dearly.

Relationship/Caring. Sometimes we provide coaching just because we care about the other person. And often we will seek out the perspectives, coaching and input of those that we know care about us. A strong relationship can make us more willing to give feedback, and that same strong relationship will make us much more open to receiving it.

Power/Position. At work, this is the position we typically think of coaching coming from. The position of power could be the boss, supervisor or manager. It could also be the priest, teacher, or parent. We have all received feedback from people in a position of power. And when we find ourselves in this position, we know that this is one of our jobs – to give coaching to those that work for us or are in our care.

Obviously some coaching stems from a combination of these factors. The stronger the connection to these sources, the more interested we typically are in giving feedback. And the more closely we see others in connection with one or more of these sources, the more likely we are to seek out and listen to the feedback they provide us.

The Master Key to Successful Feedback

If you want to be more successful in helping others succeed, regardless of the source or sources of your coaching, you need to clearly understand this master key.

If you want to take advantage of and be open to any coaching or feedback you receive, you must understand this key as well.

The master key to successful feedback is intent.

Stated simply, when our intent is clear and pure; when we really are giving feedback and coaching with the very best for the other person in mind, it will be more successful. And if our purposes are vindictive, punitive, meant to “fix” someone, or come from our frustration or anger it will be less successful.

In other words, coaching shouldn’t be about us, but about the other person and their success.

Since we have all received much coaching and feedback in our lives, we know this is true. When we sense that the feedback we are receiving is valuable and comes from a perspective of truly wanting us to improve, we are more open to hearing and applying it.

How to Use This Knowledge

When you are in the role of coaching others, always get a clear goal or intention in your mind, and make sure that in your conversation you communicate this intent, both in your words and your non verbal behavior. Recognize too the sources from which your feedback come. Help the other person see where the feedback is coming from and why it is important to them, as you see it.

When you start from this perspective, your coaching will be much more successful than if you follow a model or prescription perfectly. It won’t matter if you muff up your words a little bit. The techniques are useful, because they are rooted in the sources. When you focus on a clear intent and a solid foundation on the sources though, the techniques and approaches will work much better.

If you are receiving feedback and truly want to improve, assume the other person’s intent is pure. Take the feedback as a useful gift (even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment – remember that not everyone understands this as well as you do now.). If once you have received the feedback you determine that the intent wasn’t clear or at worse, was even counter productive to your success, you can then decide what you will do with the advice and counsel you received.

The next time you are a giver or receiver of feedback, think of these sources and of the master key. When you use this knowledge you will be much more successful on both sides of any coaching conversation.

© 2006 All Rights Reserved, Kevin Eikenberry and The Kevin Eikenberry Group. Kevin is Chief Potential Officer of The Kevin Eikenberry Group (http://KevinEikenberry.com), a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. To receive your free special report on Unleashing Your Potential go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/index.asp or call us at (317) 387-1424 or 888.LEARNER

“It is never too late to be what you might have been. “(George Eliot)

I have found that truly successful people surround themselves with the support that makes them excel. Over years of working with clients I have found that people struggle when they put their businesses and their lives in a self-imposed limiting box and keep doing the same things over and over again.

So what I do it is help people dismantle that box – the attitudes, ideas, beliefs, choices and strategies that keep them limited – and I teach them how to connect to the full range of their talents, abilities and resources so that they can bring that immensity and excitement back into their daily planning and choices.

I define a limiting box as any idea of yourself or the world, any attitude, any language you use, any belief or any experience that diminishes you in anyway or robs you of your personal power and prevents you from moving forward in the world.

Living in these boxes keeps us within what we already know – we repeat the same habitual actions hoping for a better result and end up disillusioned and feeling stuck. In order to live the best life possible for yourself you have to master the skill of moving into the unknown. The unknown is really anything outside of the box that we have created from past experiences, beliefs and ideas. It is where fresh opportunity, excitement and more satisfaction reside.

Over and over again in working with new clients we uncover the ways in which they are creating difficulty for themselves by not even seeing the opportunities that are right in front of them – just slightly outside of their box. Often, they feel frustrated in their efforts and even give up on doing what they love most. In doing this they turn away from what could bring their greatest reward.

Here are some symptoms of living “in the box”:

• Frustration

• Anger

• Lack of energy or motivation

• Feeling stuck

• Resentment

• Lack of creativity

• Disorganization

• Cynicism

• Not doing what you love

• Boredom

• A sense of failure

• Despair

There are many boxes that people create for themselves. Here are a few of them:

1.The box of language – the I’m not or you’re not good enough box.

Language is a powerful tool. How we use it both describes and begins to structure our experience for us.

Every time you use language that diminishes you or others – “That was stupid of me”,

“I’m never going to make this work”, “life it just too hard”…..etc, etc. – we strengthen the walls of the box we are in.

2. The box of familiar actions – the I’m safe if I don’t try anything-new box.

Our actions can either open new doorways for us or keep us in the same groove we are familiar with. Someone described his experience of this lately. He said that it is like going down a dead-end street and then having to turn around and come back again over and over again– wasting a whole lot of energy and time in the process. After doing this a number of times people often give up. Seeing and acting outside of the box can allow you a different perspective from which to connect the dots.

3. The box of blame – the I have no power box.

Many people insist on blaming their circumstances, the financial markets, their spouse, dog or anyone else for the situation they are in. Until you can recognize and identify the ways you are perpetuating this box and take responsibility it is very difficult to make real progress. Granted externals have an impact but recognizing how you create a box out of circumstances allows you the power and energy to begin moving out of it.

4. The box of negative expectation – the I know that the same thing is going to happen box.

When faced with something you don’t know notice if you expect either something negative to happen or expect that what you have experienced before will repeat itself. Many people use this as a way to move away from their fear of change and keep the status quo in place. They would rather stay with the known pain than risk something new. The unknown I am talking about has all the possibility in it – if we project our negative or limiting expectations on it there is no room for anything new. Imagine what would happen if this box didn’t hold you!

What are your favorite boxes and what might happen in your personal or professional life if you were guided out of those boxes? Often it is hard for us to do it alone. Sometimes we can’t even identify where we are stuck without a fresh set of very interested eyes.

Coaching can offer you that new vantage point, that broader view and the support and tools needed to move outside your BOX.

About The Author

Connie Butler is a personal and professional coach working with individuals and groups to clarify their greatest vision and cultivate its successful realization – moving them past their growth frontier into new territory. She is available for personal or professional coaching, seminars and can be reached at 305-534-1119 or connie@conniebutler.biz. Ms. Butler appears on Entertainment News and Views On-The-Air on Waxy Radio 790AM between 5-7pm every second Friday.

connie@conniebutler.biz

It is generally understood that well being relates to a high frequency while illness and difficulties relate to low frequencies. So if we raise frequency, then we can expect improved happiness and well being. We can also expect some people to run for cover if the high frequency is too much for them to handle at the moment.

Entrainment is one very effective tool that can be used deliberately to improve conditions in ourselves and others. But where do we get these positive frequencies. One way is to create them. We can align with areas of our own excitement and feel the uplifting in our bodies and emotions.

Many kinds of music have an uplifting effect on individuals. If we stand near a very happy individual, on in a happy group, we get the same experience. This is one benefit of going to churches that joyfully deliver a positive message. We get a real uplifting through increase in our frequency.

There are a number of electronic devices that produce entrainment in one of more individuals. However, it is not necessary to rely on machines. We can use systems such as yoga, Transformational Breathing, and meditation to raise our vibrations.

If you are into exploring consciousness and the spirit world, you may have noticed that there are councils of high level beings devoted to every imaginable subject. For example, there is a Council of Love whose chosen activity, if you call it an activity, is to radiate love. You can receive the love at any time by simply asking for it.

There is also a Council of Entrainment. You can simply ask for a boost in your frequency, your aura’s frequency, or your body’s frequency.

Try it. You’ll like it.

Copyright 2006 by Jim Kitzmiller

Jim Kitzmiller conducts self improvement workshops and retreats. He is the creator of the Spa Lovers Guide website.

In a recent class on how to build your business on purpose with passion and play, I offered the following simple definition for coaches for Marketing: Sharing and engaging people in a possibility for their lives that inspires them to take action with an intention to close the gap that exists between where they currently are and the possibility they see for life.

As you consider this perspective, please ponder these questions:

Who are you here to share your offering with? (Be as specific as you can. For example, I’m here to share with Burned Out or Burning Out Baby Boomers.)

What is the possibility you’re offering? In other words, what problem can you help solve for the people you are here to serve? What are the benefits they will receive from working with you? For example, I assist people to rekindle their passion, play and sense of purpose in their life, and in the process bring more balance, fulfillment, and joy to their lives.

How will you fulfill on that possibility? What is your method, approach, program, or service that will fulfill on the benefits you’re offering? Mine is known as the Life On Purpose Process — a proven, systematic, spiritually based approach for assisting people to clarify their life purpose and live true to it. This Process provides people with a count-on-able roadmap to a life on purpose.

Something to ponder, right?

©2005 Brad Swift of Life On Purpose Institute, Inc.
This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included.

Dr. Brad Swift founded Life On Purpose Institute in 1996 with the vision of creating a World On Purpose by assisting people like yourself to clarify their life purpose & live true to it. Determine how on or off purpose your life is with the fun & insightful Self Test at:
http://lifeonpurpose.com/_forms/self-test.php?source=ezart
Inspire yourself with a fr.ee subscription to Purposeful Pondering Ezine:
http://lifeonpurpose.com/index.php?dir=_ezines&task=view-ezines

When Do We Usually Feel Guilty? When:

We’re not feeling ok about who we are.

We’re not feeling ok about the choices we’re making.

We haven’t met our own expectations.

We haven’t met the expectations (real or imagined) of someone else or society at large.

How Does Guilt Affect Your Self-Care?

Guilt can come out in a number of ways, hurting yourself or others around you. Guilt can lead to low self-esteem or self-hatred, which can then lead to self-sabotage or even self-abuse. Guilt can also lead to lashing out at others and constantly finding fault with them.

Imagine you’re all set to leave the house for your personal training appointment at the gym. A simple “look” from one of your children could impart enough guilt to lead you to the phone, instead, to cancel your appointment for self-care.

Upset with yourself for missing the appointment, you berate yourself all day about your lack of commitment and torment yourself with negative thinking.

Later that afternoon, the same child accidentally spills a glass of milk. How loving and forgiving might you be, based on the circumstances of the day?

Taking It To Your Self-Care Plan

There are going to be times when you’ll want to pay attention to your guilty feelings, and there will be times when you want to let them go. Here’s a guide for telling which is which, and some tips on how to do it.

Pay Attention, When:

1. You’re feeling guilty about not completing something you decided to do.

For example, you set out to follow a stringent eating plan from a book and then neglected to follow all of the directions.

It’s possible you haven’t fully “bought in” to the idea that this is the best eating plan for you. Someone else you know tried it, and the author certainly seems convincing. But deep down you’re not sure this is the plan for you.

If you’re trying to do something ONLY to meet external expectations, your guilt may be telling you to find something that you wholeheartedly believe in.

Take a good look at what you’re feeling guilty about not doing, and re-evaluate whether it’s truly what you want to choose.

2. You’re feeling guilty about something you did

For instance, you spoke unkindly to someone at work. Maybe that goes against the values that were instilled in you as you were growing up (the “golden rule”), or maybe it’s a code of behaviour you’ve personally adopted. In either case, you haven’t met your or society’s expectations of how to behave.

You can begin to alleviate your feelings of guilt by correcting things with this person the very next time you see them. An apology would be great. Acting kindly every time you deal with them in the future is even better.

Apologizing and admitting you were wrong can be a difficult thing. And it’s worth it.

Let It Go, When:

1. You’re feeling guilty about choosing to do something for your own self-care.

I used the example earlier in the article, of feeling guilty about leaving your child to go to an exercise appointment.

Getting “selfish” is the best way to care for the others in your life. When you’re feeling strong, confident, healthy, resilient and relaxed, you’re more efficient, productive, creative and fun!

When this type of guilt gets in your way, tell yourself something encouraging about how this self-care is going to positively impact your whole family and everyone else you’re in contact with.

2. You’re feeling guilty about not meeting your own expectations

For example, it’s March and you wonder what’s become of your New Year’s Resolutions.

Guilt is not a good motivator for change. Accepting ourselves for who we are and changing from there is the healthiest and most effective starting point for self-improvement. When you can believe you’re GOOD ENOUGH as you are, you can truly begin to grow and change.

Having expectations that are too high or otherwise unrealistic will generally lead to disappointment. This is revealed in two ways – as guilt when we don’t meet our expectations, or as judgment when other people don’t meet our expectations.

3. You’re feeling guilty because you haven’t met the expectations you think other people have of you.

You have a work assignment to finish two reports before the weekend. You work diligently and finish them right before 5:00, meaning that your boss needs to stay late in order to check them over.

You’re racked with guilt thinking about the extra work you’ve caused and what your boss must be thinking of you.

Take a breath. First of all, you have absolutely no control over what someone thinks of you. You did your best and fulfilled your assignment, so you have nothing to feel guilty about. Second, you’re probably wrong in what you’re imagining. Maybe your boss came in late and was planning to leave late as well. Maybe your boss is so pleased that the reports are done that you’ll be receiving a bonus Monday morning.

So back up and try not to let your mind-reading lead to guilty feelings. In fact, since most of us are probably not doing such a great job of it, we might as well give up on the mind-reading altogether.

Saying yes to ourselves and our self-care often means saying no to people, events and situations in our life and that can bring guilt.

The more time we spend feeling guilty, the less self-care we’re giving to ourselves. If we’re letting someone else’s words, actions or non-verbal messages make us feel guilty, we’re letting THEM take away our self-care.

You can choose what to do when guilt comes up. Unfortunately, many of us choose to do nothing, “wallowing” in the guilt and letting it torment us; we second-guess our choices.

What I hope I’ve shown you in this article are the choices you CAN make: to re-evaluate what you’re doing, make amends if you truly believe you were wrong, affirm to yourself that your self-care is more important than the guilt, or let the guilt go. Which will you choose?

(c) Copyright Linda Dessau, 2005.

Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, is the author of “The Everyday Self-Care Workbook”. To find out more about the book, or to receive her free monthly newsletter, “Genuine Self-Care”, visit http://www.genuinecoaching.com/resources.html