Business, economic development - the unofficial Chamber of Commerce

Bell had followed him home. After a night of forty year old
leaches in polyester groping her through thick clouds of stale
cigar smoke at the Howard Johnson on route 60, she followed this
tall stranger home. She was on business travelling for this
dot.com company that was about to fold at any moment. She was
reduced from nights at the Ritz Carlton to rooms that the bed
rolled down sunken v-shaped floors to rest in the center on 45
degree angles. Her only hope was that the bed stopped rolling
before she was flung off. But these rare stays, which have been
lately saving her from the uneasiness of sleeping in rest stops
on the side of the highway. Dodging those midnight flashers that
came knocking on her window and covering her ears from the moans
of the men in the rest room. But here in lounge lizard heaven
she wished for the ineptness of London fogs and the safety of
the detestment of her sex. To tell the truth she did not mind
the company of homosexuals, for her head could spin off her
shoulders but she was guaranteed to be left solid standing on
her feet. But the emotion this crooner had felt and permeated
through the clouds of smoke to smote the loudness of green
polyester and lard that jingled and mashed about this room
through gold bands hurried into small tight pockets. The scotch
was stiff and so was everything else in this sausage factory for
retiries. But when he sang it all faded away, he was a man of
heartache and compassion, one to be tender, but then be full of
explosives. I had little explosions going all night. The smoke
from my ears just mingled with the rest around me unnoticed. So
I had to follow this lone keyboardist. Then when he went for his
keys and turned the knob, he did not make a last minute slide of
gold band onto his finger. I was golden if he would just notice
me before he closed the door. So I yelled and slipped down onto
my ass holding unto my ankle. He came running, a bit jostled he
tried to catch his breathe amongst the words of “Can I help you”
which sounded like “I love you” to me. I stood up and
immediately fell down again pushing him away saying I am fine.
He picked me up and insisted that I come in and get some ice put
on my ankle. How could I resist with my foot in such agony, but
little did he know the real fire was just abit higher. He
carried me through the threshold and closed the door with his
elbow. He placed me down in his craftmatic lounger and
maneuvered the buttons to raise my feet. “Hold on I ‘m going for
some ice.” he said as I thought if he had one of those ice chest
that they kept in the hall ways for those who raid the minny bar
late at night. For he was going to need two of them to cool me
off. He came back with an ice pack and a towel and wrapped them
un-top of my right ankle. I shivered a little when he touched
me. He apologized for he thought he hurt my ankle, little did he
know, Silly Boy. I started to go on and on like some corn bred
fool in pigtails about how much his music moved me. I told him
it was real, real you know. He blushed and tried to hurry the
subject. What subject, I am not sure about. But he was in a
hurry to get no where I felt. And I needed him to be somewhere
on top of me. He kept looking at his watch as I went on and on
about my job, my past loves (which I told him he was nothing
like…), my parents, my interests, and how well he played that
damn piano. I started to worry he might think he was talking to
Charlie Brown’s god damn teacher, so I shut up and got a bit
sullen. He asked how my leg was doing and I started rubbing my
left ankle and said it is going to take bit more to reduce the
swelling. But he thought the leg looked fine. He apologized for
being a bit distracted but he had a lot to think about and
needed to wind down off the stage for awhile. I told him I
understood. So I just sat there for awhile starring into his
eyes, but he kept blinking and looking away at the clock. We
did not say anything much for quite some time when the dawn
started to creep up on us. He stood in a dash and insisted I had
to leave now, that he needed some sleep before he began his day.
I insisted that the leg was still swollen and I couldn’t move
it. Then he asked me which leg was it and I said it was my
right! He snapped then at me and accused me that I could not
keep my story straight and I was some kind of weirdo and he
insisted I leave now! I blew up on him and started to call him
one big conceited asshole whose ego was so over inflated to
think I would fake an injury just to spend the night with him as
I stood up and pointed him into a wall with my finger
consistently jabbing into his chest. As he hit the wall, a cloud
of smoke appeared. Poof! My finger went into the wall and I
quickly grabbed it in pain. He was gone. Then I heard a small
little gaelic “Fuck” from below. Continued in Part Two

Since the demise of foxhunting and hunting with dogs in the countryside, there are thousands of dispossessed toffs wandering around with nothing to do. To compensate we offer here the new shape of country activities.

I was in the garden playing a guitar that attracted the attention of a small bird. It positioned itself overhead in the willow tree and proceeded to drop caterpillars from the leaves onto my head - feeding me as a reward for the music. It made me wonder how much wild or farm animals might like music.

The photographs here evidence an impromptu harmonica concert given to a field of bullocks.
I played No Place Like Hometo the lead bullock, who warmed up gradually and called his mates over for a gander. I positioned myself safely in the hedgerow, well out of reach in case they should mob me in their fervour for the music. Slowly the moshing pit formed as they edged in to listen.

They nodded along to Frere Jacques keeping surprisingly accurate tempo with their tails. It was not until I played Going to Alabama with a Banjo on my Knee that a couple of them started dancing, doing a little shimmy with their front hooves that was very similar to the dance Hank Marvin and the Shadows used to do.

With As the Saints Come Marching On one of them peeled out for a little canter round the field. Yes it was getting hot and the temperature was rising. These wonderful bovines were so appreciative of music and gave me a bigger audience and better reception than I received in the village.

When I played a Blues Train Coming piece a couple of them started mooing, providing startling animal lyrics in accompaniment. I played some music from a ‘Simply Red’ song and they rushed forwards aggressively, pawing the ground.

Farm animals really enjoy music and even if you play the simplest instrument you will find an appreciative and uncritical audience with sheep, cows, bullocks or horses. Just remember to position yourself carefully out of reach or you may get mobbed.

Flushed with success I performed the set again by the pond on the way home and attracted a crowd of what must have been 100,000 gnats who swirled in time, particularly liking the D#, so much so that they flew into the harmonica, blocking the notes.

No responsibility for any injuries incurred by anyone undertaking this activity are accepted by this author.

About the Author

SECRETS OF CREATIVITY by Simon Mitchell
A revolutionary ebook from a top internet author. This ebook gives you the
ULTIMATE POWER TO CREATE with structured courses to improve your personal
creativity. Unleash your SECRETS OF CREATIVITY at:
http://www.simonthescribe.co.uk/secrets.html

Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.

NIFTY NAMES FOR NECTARS OF THE GODS

Or, do they really make wicked witty Wines from DeVines?

By Theolonius McTavish, a man of mirth and good cheer not to
mention a keen interest in finding just the right seasonal gift
for impossible people or those who appear to have everything.

If you’re like me, you truly can’t abide trundling through the
stores at this time of year hunting for just the right seasonal
gift for certain impossible people in your life, (you know
…the cantankerous cubicle colleague or feisty family member
you want to avoid at all costs).

Fear not there is a simple solution at hand in the form of
“naughty and nice” names when referring to nectars of the gods.
For those who enjoy dining at a table, there’s always a
selection of deliriously decadent drinks to accompany one’s
vittles, you know the ones with “big aromas”, “full of body”
just oozing all over with “flavor, spice and style”!

To make a long story short, I’ve found the best way to separate
the “hoi polloi” from the “hoity-toity” is to take a wee peek at
the wicked wine labels appearing on the shelf of your favorite
liquor store.

The high-falutin, long-nosed snooty boot folks usually prefer
wines with real corks and long foreign names to accompany their
double crme brie, melted raclette, or a sheep’s milk cheese
with a reddish brown rind served on crunchy, multi-grained
crackers or sliced French bread.

The low-brow, pug-nosed types on the other hand often prefer
casual “walkabout” wines (those with screw caps that can be
served with home-made pizza or else “wild” ones synonymous with
tossing lushness and refinement right out the door!

To make purchasing wines with wicked, weird or just plain wicked
names easy, two quaffing categories have been created,
“Snippy/Snooty” and “Sassy/Spunky”. We’ll leave it up to readers
to decide which personalities fit into which wine categories.

Just make sure you pick up one of the following saucy stocking
stuffers, ’cause you never know when a generously proportioned,
sybaritic male with whiskers, dressed in a red tunic doing a lot
of huffing and puffing not to mention far too many Ho Ho Hos may
lose his memory one of these fine days.

So, without further ado…here’s a ludicrously long list to get
you started you on your way to a few DeVine Interventions:

A

– Alibi White Blend - BlackHills Estate Winery (Canada)

– Angus the Bull, Cabernet Sauvignon (Australia)

B

– Baby Duck (Canada)

– Bad Dog Red, Syrah Cabernet D’Oc, (France)

– Bad Dog White 2003, Sauvignon Chardonnay d’Oc (France)

– Barnadown Run 2002, Shiraz (Australia)

– Belle Glos “Clark & Telephone” 2003, Pinot Noir (U.S.A.)

– Beyerskloof 2002 - Synergy (South Africa)

– Big House White - Bonny Doon Vineyard (U.S.A.)

– Big Yellow 2003 Cab, Cabernet Sauvignon (U.S.A.)

– Blasted Church - Merlot, Chardonnay, Riesling, Syrah (Canada)

– Bloody Good White, Ca’del Solo (U.S.A.)

– Blue Suede Chardonnay, Graceland Cellars (U.S.A.)

– Bommarito 2001, 2002, Cabernet Sauvignon (U.S.A.)

– Bonaparte Bend Winery - Saskatoon Berry Wine (Canada)

– Bonny Doon 2003 Cardinal Zin (U.S.A.)

– Boony Doon 2004 Clos de Gilroy (U.S.A.)

– Bored Doe, Goats Do Roam Wine Co. (South Africa}

– Boss Cat, Chardonnay - Coopers Creek (New Zealand)

– Brakeman’s Select Pinot Noir, Merlot, White Blend - Kettle
Valley Winery (Canada)

– Brights - Spumante Bambino (Canada)

– Brokenwood 2002 Cricket Pitch Red (Australia)

– Bubbly Elderflower - Marley Farm Winery (Canada)

– Bug Juice Moscato d’Asti (U.S.A.)

C

– CabernAlien 2001, Cosmic CruZers (U.S.A.)
— Cakebread
2004, Chardonnay (U.S.A.)

– Camelot California 2002, Chardonnay (U.S.A.)

– Campbell’s 2002 Bobbie Burns, Shiraz (Australia)

– Caputo 2002, Grego Ditufo (Italy)

– Cat’s Pee on a Gooseberry Bush 2004 - Coopers Creek,
Sauvignon Blanc (New Zealand)

– Chateau Troplong Mondot 2002 (France)

– ChardonnAlien 2002, Cosmic CruZers (U.S.A.)

– Cigare Volant - Bonny Doon 2001 (U.S.A.)

– Cloof Dustry Road Rose 2005 (South Africa)

– Conundrum 2003 (U.S.A.)

– Cookoothama Nugan Estate 2000, 2003, Shiraz (Australia)

– Covey Run Yakima Valley 2001, 2002, Riesling (U.S.A.)

– Crocodile Chase (Australia)

D

– Darling Cellars Black Granite Shiraz 2004 (South Africa)

– Derailer Pinot Gris/Red Blend - Kettle Valley Winery (Canada)

– Devil’s Rock 2003, Riesling QBA (Germany)

– Dogajolo - Carpineto 2002 (Italy)

– Dog House 2004 - Charlie’s Chardonnay (U.S.A.)

– Dog House 2002 - Maxie’s Merlot (U.S.A.)

– Dog House 2002 Checker’s Cab (U.S.A.)

– Domaine des Blagueurs Bonny Doon 1999, Syrah Sirrah (France)

– Domaine Grassa Easy Drinker 2004 (France)

– Drostdy Hof 2000, 2003 (South Africa)

– Duckhorn - Paraduxx 2001, 2002, (U.S.A.)

– Duck Pond Cellars 2001, 2002, Pinot Noir (U.S.A.)

– Dudley Partners Kangaroo Island - Porky Flat - Shiraz (U.S.A.)

– Dunavar Pinot Gris 2001, 2003 (Hungary)

– Dynamite 2002 Merlot - Dynamite Vineyards (U.S.A.)

E

– Eisbeerwein, Dessert Wine (Germany)

– Euphonium, Henschke Keyneton Estate (Australia)

– Elephant Island Fruit Winery - Dessert Apricot, Apple, Pear
(Canada)

– Evolution - Sokol Blosser (U.S.A.)

F

– Fat Bastard 2003, Merlot, Chardonnay, Sauvigon Blanc (France)

– Fat Cat 2004, Chardonnay (New Zealand)

– Fifth Leg - Devil’s Lair 2002, 2003 (Australia)

– Fireman’s Red Blend - St. Hubertus Estate Winery (Canada)

– Flagstone Fish Hoek, Sauvignon Blanc (South Africa)

– Flatroof Man or Merlot 2004 (South Africa}

– Fogarty 2002 - Santa Cruz Mountain Cabernet Sauvignon (U.S.A.)

– Folie Dieux 2004 Ménage Trois, California Red (U.S.A.)

– Foofaraw Amusing Red Blend - Hillside Estate Winery (Canada)

– Foofaraw Precocious White Blend - Hillside Estate Winery
(Canada)

– Foppiano 2002 Sangiovese (U.S.A.)

– Foxtrot Pinot Noir - Kettle Valley Winery (Canada)

G

– Giant Steps 2002, Pinot Noir (U.S.A.)

– Glamour Puss Pinot Noir - Coopers Creek (New Zealand)

– Glenugie Winery - Gamay Noir, Pinot Noir (Canada)

– Gnarly Head 2004, Old Vine Zinfandel (U.S.A.)

– Goat Rotie - Fairview 2003 (South Africa)

– Goats Do Roam In Villages - Fairview 2003 (South Africa)

– Goats do Roam Red - Fairview Winery 2003 (South Africa)

– Gray Monk - Latitude Fifty Select White 2003, 2004 (Canada)

H

– Hardy’s NV Whiskers Blake Port (Australia)

– Harper Hill Red Neck Red (U.S.A.)

– Harper Hill White Trash White (U.S.A.)

– Harper Hill Tiny Bubbles (U.S.A.)

– Henkell - Trocken Piccolo Pack (Germany)

– Hidden Valley Agenda 2003, Pinotage (South Africa)

I

– Idiom Viognier 2004, Whalehaven Wines (South Africa)

– Il Bastardo Sangiovese Toscana (Italy)

– Innocent Bystander 2003, Shiraz Viognier (U.S.A.)

– Iron Horse 2002 Wedding Cuvee (U.S.A.)

J

– JackaRoo 2003 Big Red (Australia)

– Jailhouse Red Merlot - Graceland Cellars (U.S.A.)

– Jake’s Fault 2003 Shiraz (Australia)

– Jest White - Jest Red Cellars NV (U.S.A.)

– Just Ducky Blush - Westham Island Estate Winery (Canada)

K

– Kapellenberg- Kruger Rumpf 2003, Riesling Kabinett Munsterer
(Germany)

– Nk’Mip Quam Qwmt Meritage 2003 (Canada)

– Kaesler Old Bastard 2001, 2002, Shiraz (Australia)

– Kelly’s Revenge 2003, Shiraz (Australia)

– Katnook Est. Wingara Coonawarra 2000, 2001, Cabernet
Sauvignon (Australia)

L

– Lady in Red Blush - Benchland Vineyards (Canada)

– Laughing Magpie 2003 - d’Arenberg, Viognier (U.S.A.)

– Laughing Stock Vineyards (Canada)

– Leaping Horse 2002, Merlot (U.S.A.)

– Le Snoot 2002, Snob Hill Winery Merlot (U.S.A.)

– Lillypilly Noble Blend 1999 (Australia)

M

– MacRostie 2001 Wildcate Mountain Vineyard Syrah (U.S.A.)

– Mad Fish 2000, 2001, Shiraz (Australia)

– Marge ‘n’ Tina, Mendoza 1997 (Aregentina)

– Marilyn Merlot (U.S.A.)

– Meerlust 1999, 2000 - Rubicon (South Africa)

– Merlot-Over-and-Play Dead (U.S.A.)

– Mia’s Playground 2002 Russian River Valley Chardonnay (U.S.A.)

– Mitchelton 2002 Airstrip (Australia)

N

– Naked Grape, Merlot, Shiraz (Canada)

– Nepenthe 2004 The Tryst (Australia)

– Night Owl 2003, Pinot Noir (U.S.A.)

– Nobilo 2004 Icon, Sauvignon Blanc (New Zealand)

– Noon Gun - Flagstone (South Africa)

– Nota Bene Blend - BlackHills Estate Winery (Canada)

– Notorius 2002 - Duca Di Castelmonte, Syrah di Sicilia IGT
(Italy)

O

– Obsession - Ironstone Symphony 2003, 2004 (U.S.A.)

P

– Paint Can Gift Box - Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin - Brut (France)

– Passion Peach, Scotch Block Farm Winery (Canada)

– Pear-A-Dise Pear - Puddicombe Estate Farms & Winery (Canada)

– Petite SirAlien 1997, Cosmic CruZers (U.S.A.)

– Poachers Blend 2003 - St. Hallett (Australia)

– Pop Extra Dry - Pommery (France)

– Porcupine Ridge 2002, Syrah (South Africa)

– Ptomaine des Blagueurs 1996 (U.S.A.)

R

– Rancho Zabaco Dancing Bull 2001, 2002, Zinfandel (U.S.A)

– Red Bicyclette 2003, Chardonnay D’Oc (France)

– Reynolds Little Boomey 2003, 2004, Shiraz (Australia)

– RockBare 2003, Shiraz (Australia)

– Rocking Horse 2000, Monte Rosso Zinfandel (U.S.A.)

S

– St. Supery 2001, 2002, Sauvignon Blanc (U.S.A.)

– Schloss Laderheim Light (Canada)

– Scraping the Barrel, Tempranillo (Spain)

– Seagull Shiraz 2004, Vin-X-Port (South Africa)

– See Ya Later Ping 2003 - Hawthorne Mountain (Canada)

– See Ya Later Ranch Ehrenfelser Icewine - Hawthorne Mountain
(Canada)

– Seven Deadly Zins - Zinfandel 2003, Michael David Vine Lodi
(U.S.A.)

– Seven Heavenly Chards, Chardonnay (U.S.A.)

– Shoofly Buzz Cat (U.S.A.)

– Six Foot Six 2004, Pinot Noir (Australia)

– Smoking Loon 2002, 2003, Syrah (U.S.A.)

– Smoking Parrot (U.S.A.)

– SnoGoos Blush - Westham Island Estate Winery (Canada)

– Splatese - Geil 2003, 2004, Riesling (Germany)

– Stag’s Leap Winery 2001, Syrah (U.S.A.)

– Stones Throw Gewurztraminer - A Very Fine Winery, Lotusland
Vineyard (Canada)

– Stickleback Red 2003 (Australia)

– Sticks 2004, Chardonnay (Australia)

– Stump Jump Red - D’Arenberg 2004 (Australia)

– Suckfizzle Margaret River 2000, Cabernet Sauvignon (Australia)

– SuperMerlova 2001, Cosmic CruZers (U.S.A.)

– Sweet Caroline Blush - Scherzinger Vineyards (Canada)

– Sweetheart & Lapin Dessert Wine - Spiller Estate, (Canada)

– Sweet Scarlet Strawberry, Scotch Block Farm Winery (Canada)

T

– Tatachilla Breakneck Creek 2002, Shiraz (Australia)

– Testarossa 2003 Sleepy Hollow Vineyard Chardonnay (U.S.A.)

– The Chocolate Block - Boekenhoutskloof 2003 (South Africa)

– The Golden Egg Red Blend - Red Rooster Winery (Canada)

– The Hermit Crab - d’Arenberg 2004, Marsanne/Viognier
(Australia)

– The King Cabernet Sauvignon - Graceland Cellars (U.S.A.)

– The Little Penguin 2003, Merlot (Australia)

– The Ruins Rose, Bon Cap Winery (South Africa)

– The Unpronounceabale Grape (Hungary)

– Therapy, Naramata Bench Pinot Gris 2004, Therapy Vineyards
(Canada)

– The Wolftrap - Boekenhoutskloof 2004 (South Africa)

– Thirteenth Street Wine Co., Funk Vineyard Merlot, Pinot Noir,
Riesling (Canada)

– Three Dog Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon 1997 (U.S.A.)

– Tinhorn Creek - Merlot 2001, 2002 (Canada)

– Toad Hollow - Eye of the Toad (U.S.A.)
— Tom Cat Merlot
- Coopers Creek (New Zealand)

– Tott’s - Brut (U.S.A.)

– Trockenbeerenauslese - Monchof 1996 (Austria)

– Tugwell Creek Meadery, Vintage Mead (Canada)

– Twin Fin 2002, Cabernet Sauvignon (U.S.A.)

– Two Hands 2004 Bad Impersonator, Shiraz (Australia)

– Two Hands 2003 Gnarly Dudes, Shiraz (Australia)

– Two Hands 2003 Shovel Blanc, Merlot Cabernet Franc (Australia)

– Two Left Feet, Blossom Winery (Canada)

U

– Undurraga, Merlot (Chile)

V

– Vampire Cab & Merlot (U.S.A.)

W

– Wattle Creek Winery 2003, Mendocino Sauvignon Blanc (U.S.A.)

– White Lie 2004, Early Season Chardonnay (U.S.A.)

– Wild Goose Vineyards & Winery, Pinot Noir, Chardonnay,
Riesling (Canada)

– Wild Horse 2002 Cabernet Sauvignon (U.S.A.)

– Wirra Wirra Church Block , Cabernet Shiraz Merlot 2002, 2003
(Australia)

– Wits End - Procrastinator 2004 (Australia)

– Woop Woop South Austsralia Shiraz 2002 (Australia)

Y

– Yellowtail Reserve 2003 Chardonnay (Australia)

Z

– Zed 2004, Sauvignon Blanc (New Zealand)

– Zingaro 2002, Zinfandel (U.S.A.)

Suffice to say that you’ll have lots of choice when it comes to
selecting the appropriate one to take a drop or two, tipple to
your heart’s content, and possibly just raise your arm and toast
everyone in the room (possibly until the cows come home).

Nikki Pilkington, of Milton Keynes based Internet marketing company NikkiPilkington.com tells us more about how article writing can help us sell more from our website.

Everyone focuses their web marketing efforts on search engines, and while this is a large part of traffic generation, it’s not the be all and end all of selling from your website.

One of my Weekly Tips a week or so ago was to write articles, and become an expert. Becoming an expert in other people’s eyes is sometimes as simple as being the person to write the article they read.

So here are 7 reasons why you should become An Expert to attract more visitors to your site.

1) By having an article out there, on other websites, in ezines and given out to potential clients, you’re branding both your website and yourself. Every article should include your name, business name, website address and email address, as well as a short sentence about what you do (called a resource box).

2) By writing about topics that you know about, you will become known as an expert. If people read enough of your articles, and find that they are helped by them, when they have money to spend then they’ll come to you.

3) Writing articles and submitting them to other websites may mean that you get a headline on the front page of their website. This is extra exposure for you and your company.

4) If a website archives its articles, you’ll still be getting advertising (for free!) days, weeks and months after you wrote the article. I still get visitors to my website www.nikkipilkington.com from an article that I originally wrote in 1996!

5) If your writing style is good, it may attract the attention of other online publishers, or even offline magazines, and you may be asked to write other articles, or even to speak at seminars. Not only is this work usually paid, it also spreads the word about your business even more.

6) If you write articles regularly, start up a mailing list so that anyone interested in reading them can sign up. Make sure that you send your articles to your mailing list before you send them anywhere else - give people a reason to be part of it! This gives you a list of people looking forward to your articles, and who will most probably visit your website after reading.

7) If you advertise in local media, writing an article is a good way to make your advert stand out - more advertorial than blatant advert. The reader gets advice and information, and in return they’ll remember you - build loyalty and when they’re eventually looking to spend money on the services you provide, they’ll think of you first

So there you have it - great reasons to write an article on something related to your business right now!

If you would like a list of places to submit your article to once it’s written, please email me and I can provide a list to you.

Nikki Pilkington is owner of Milton Keynes based Internet Marketing company NikkiPilkington.com, and writes articles, hints and tips to help people looking to promote their website for free. For more of her articles visit www.nikkipilkington.com and sign up to the newsletter.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Nikki Pilkington is owner/manager of NikkiPilkington.com, an internet marketing consultancy based in Milton Keynes, UK. She has been marketing websites for almost ten years and specialises in high search engine placements and opt in email marketing

And then it happened! On the corner of his favourite Tamil daily page, inside this small rectangle space was a banner proudly proclaiming… “Find your life partner.” “Get married now!!” It was an Internet matrimonial site ad. More so, an Indian matrimonial portal ad!!!

Now, Mr. Paul has 2 sons, both in their late 20’s, marriageable age, according to most Indian parents. Paul is familiar with newspaper ads. He’s been reading them for some time now and also has posted some ads for his sons. What could be different with an Internet ad?

So, Mr. Paul clicks on the Internet ad. He is lead to a page where the details are requested. Mr. Paul fills in the details and submits it. He is given an ID. Mr. Paul has to login to the account and check and update his account. So far so good.

A few days later, Paul as usual goes out for work and his wife is at home cooking, the phone rings and she picks it up. A small voice cracks up in the phone saying, ” Is this Mr. Paul’s house? We are friends of Ms. Aarti, She is 55, and divorced and we are looking for a suitable person for her. We are interested in his profile. Can we come and meet Mr. Paul?” The wife obviously is speechless, quite furious and doesn’t know what to do. And it didn’t stop with one call. There were a few more on the same day, enough to make her really give a hard & serious look at the situation.

Mr. Paul comes in from work to a fuming welcome from his wife. He is totally freaked out when his wife explains to him what happened. Then Paul explains that he had provided his details instead of his son’s details in the Internet site quite ignorantly in the perception that this was similar to the Newspaper ad.

The story ends with Mr. Paul contacting the support team of the matrimonial portal and getting help with deleting his profile. It’s sad that the search for a life partner for his son left his marriage in a soup.

The point is that, the Internet and other conventional mediums like newspapers work in completely different ways. Newspaper ads are mostly, what we can term as parent - centric wherein, the person posting the ad is more often the parent, relative or a friend to whom the ad is posted for. Whereas in the Internet, the onus is on the person who is actually looking out.

It would be quite a while before people get accustomed to how things work via the Internet. Until then, there will be some clicks that actually break a few marriages rather than make them.

Article by Daniel.
Internet guru sarathy sadagopan is an Online marketing expert working at bharatmatrimony.com and also enjoys providing consutancy services related to online marketing, SEO to third parties.
Copyrighted Article from Bharatmatrimony.com - Indian Matrimonial services provider.

Every morning as people wake up and make the commute to work, many dream of the day when they will finally work for themselves. Every time the boss lets someone know that they must give up their weekend plans for the good of the company, people contemplate the benefits of being the owner of their own business.

Are you one of these people?

If you are, it is important to ask yourself some very important questions before you make the uncertain leap into self-employment.

Many dream of the benefits of home business ownership, but few take into account the sacrifices that must be made to bring the dream to fruition. Please don’t make this mistake yourself.

You must approach home business ownership with your eyes wide open. Ask yourself the important questions, and more importantly, answer your own questions openly and honestly.

AN IMPORTANT CONSIDERATION

Are you the type of person who relishes every chance to gather around the water cooler for social interaction?

If so, then home business ownership may not be the right decision for you.

Instead, if you feel that you can be quite content sitting alone at your desk; speaking only to clients and really minding your own home business, then you might have what it takes to succeed as a home business entrepreneur.

If you feel at ease with your own company and don’t need a dozen coworkers milling around your desk, then you, too, could savor the freedoms that will allow you and your family, to live the lifestyle you know you want and deserve.

THE KEY TO HOME BUSINESS SUCCESS

Self-motivation is the key to success when you start a home-based business. You need to possess the ability to push yourself ahead. Your drive and determination will be reinforced with every new sale.

The level of success that you will achieve greatly depends on the time and effort you are willing to plow into your new home business. Your organization, planning and marketing skills, will all be put into practice when you embark on your liberating journey from employee, to being your own boss. In fact, you will be the wearer of many hats and gain a wealth of business experience along the way, when you finally make that commitment to work at home.

YOUR SUCCESS RESTS ENTIRELY UPON YOUR OWN SHOULDERS

You will now be the boss. Are you truly able to work independently? Do you have the drive; the tenacity, to persevere with your home based business? Will you be able to invest the necessary time to nurture it, to watch it grow and see it through, from germination to full, glorious bloom? When you’re the boss, you are responsible for the success of your home business, from A to Z, from disappointments to victory.

When you work at home, it will empower you to achieve many things you were unable to do when you were stuck working for that tyrant boss. Remember him? He’s the guy that wouldn’t let you take time off when your baby was sick…the same guy that called you in to work on Thanksgiving Day.

A home business means that you can take good care of your family and make money from home, simultaneously. You will have the best of both worlds! Just think–no more dirty laundry piling up–you can do it while you work. No more scurrying around at the last minute searching for a babysitter either. And no more worrying about getting fired; you’ll be the boss!

IN CONCLUSION…

Stay positive and focused on your home based business, even if, when sales aren’t up to par, you get occasional negative remarks or derogatory comments from people with stuffy, dead-end jobs. Ignore their cutting words and bear in mind that success is the best revenge! Keep your admirable, positive attitude at the forefront and show them what you’re made of!

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One of the most important attitudes you can have is the willingness to invest in yourself and your knowledge.

This is quite different from investing in “opportunities” to make money.

Investing in yourself means you are building skills that you can use in your life. Within the context of internet marketing, investing in yourself means spending money and time on materials that get you ducated on this business.

It may be marketing, site design, copy writing, email campaigns, search engines or any other topics. There’s no shortage of information. In fact, I often say that information overload is our #1 occupational hazard.

Still, you can’t stick your head in the sand and expect to build the skills necessary to succeed in this business.

Certainly, the payoff can be huge. I know dozens of people making six figures in this business. And many others making a nice supplemental part-time income. Working from home. No boss, etc. You know the dream, right?

My point is this: Don’t be afraid to invest in yourself. If you feel lacking in a particular area, scout out for reputable resources, books, courses etc that will fill in that gap in your knowledge. Buy the course, read the material and put it into action.

And if it stinks, or it is too advanced or too simplistic - ask for a refund. You have every right to do so. Don’t be shy. You deserve quality.

I don’t know a single successful netrepreneur that hasn’t made some purchases he or she regrets. That’s life. But it also seems that the successful ones never stop investing in themselves, through courses, seminars and ebooks.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Many years ago when I was young, attractive and a viable commodity on the dating market, I was employed as a bartender. Believe it or not, I actually went to “school” to learn this trade. I was living in Las Vegas at the time, and I decided to attend a local bartending academy (translated - you pay us and we’ll get you a job as a bartender).

Six years, 50,000 bottles of Bud Light and several hundred Captain and cokes later I finally hung up my shaker, but not before I learned a valuable trick ot two about meeting other singles at a club. The three peices of wisdom I feel safe imparting with are as follows:

# 1 Never go alone

#2 Pretend you don’t care if you meet someone or not (even though we both know what you are there for, you slut) AND…

#3 Double peppermint shnapps on the rocks

OK, 1 and 2 are fairly simple to understand…but what’s up with number 3, you ask?

It’s simple, really. You’ve shown up looking like a million dollars (or $138.57 in my case). You make eye contact with the guy or girl you want to meet. You finally muster up the courage to go over and introduce yourself and then what do you do? Of course…you lean in and turn your head so as not to expose your future victim to the intoxicating mix of cheap beer and saliva your teeth are fermenting in.

Why do you do this? You do it because YOU KNOW your breath is bad. How could it not be? Most mixed drinks, beer and liquors aren’t doing your delivery any favors. So what’s the solution? Double peppermint schnapps on the rocks. I remember vividly that one gentleman at a nightclub I worked at always ordered it, every single time he came in. Guess what…he never went home alone unless he wanted to.

Let’s face it, you wouldn’t immediately dismiss a man or woman who slurred his or her speech while hitting on you but you would put the kabash on a bad breath encounter quicker than you could say “last call”. No one likes to see someone at their worst, but to smell someone at their worst is far more disgusting. So the next time you go to the club looking for a romantic encounter, order the one drink that might help you out.

If you really want to be safe, send one over to the table of the person you are interested in before you take that long walk over to make your case. Good luck and good breath.

A BadBreathOGram is an e-mail you send to someone who you want to know has bad breath but you do not want to confront directly. Give it a try. Tell someone they have bad breath.

My worst roommate (and I’ve had some bad ones) was on my semester at Tel-Aviv University. It started on the group flight there, with this obnoxious surfer looking guy who was seated next to me (I was on an aisle, he was in the middle). On the ten hour flight, he had me put something in or take something out of the overhead for him at least fifteen or twenty times. He just wouldn’t leave me alone, and was constantly begging me to change seats with him, and grab a pen, and put this card in his bag… When we got to the dorms and had our orientation meeting, it turned out that I was in the same apartment as him, though thank god not the same room (each apt was 2 double rooms with a common kitchen and bath).

This guy was unreal. He was a bleach-blond surfer, rowed crew, was well over 6′ and very muscular (I’m 5′7″ and thin), and just a total jerk. He constantly ate the food belonging to the rest of us, claiming that he had no money, nevermind the $100 packages full of crap he’d send back to his girlfriend in CA. After two weeks or so of his constantly disrespecting the other three of us, things got a bit tense. The first turning point was when he used an entire pack of my roommate’s razors to shave part of his head, and from then on he seemed to be in ever-lessening contact with reality.

About a month into his stay, he decided to adopt a stray dog that he found near the beach while surfing. This, of course, couldn’t happen, because you can’t have dogs in the dorms, and the rest of us weren’t too keen on having a stray dog around. Jason, the psycho, completely lost it when he was told he couldn’t keep the dog (”if he goes, I go, because he’s the only one who understands me”). He got right in my face and threatened to kill me if I turned him in (remember our size and strength disparities…), since I was the only one who was home when he came charging in with this poor mutt. Later that day, after the security guards and the program people told him the dog had to go, he took off, and wasn’t heard from for a couple of days.

A few days later, he showed up and was hanging out in a room down the hall, when someone called security, as we had been instructed to do should he return. From what I’m told of the incident, he went out onto the balcony (4th floor) and threatened to jump when the police arrived on the scene. After a tense confrontation, they charged him and were able to subdue him after he punched at least one officer. He was then carried - literally kicking and screaming - off the University’s property and was taken into custody. He spent about a month or so in a mental facility in Israel before he was deported back to America.

When my roommate got back to the apartment, he discovered that Jason had left us a final message. Using a razor, he had cut open his finger and painted a message in his own blood on our bathroom mirror (”you all lied to me, blah, blah, blah”), then tied the bloody razor to a rose and left it on the kitchen table.

Now that is a roommate from hell.

About the Author

Since 1989 i have helped 1000’s of people find good rooms or roommates. Need help? Contact me at www.roommateexpress.com

I felt queasy contemplating the nerve conduction test and electromyelogram (EMG) I was about to have. The nerve conduction test involves taping electrodes to the skin and sending a small jolt of electric current to them. During the EMG, the doctor inserts tiny needles into various muscles and examines the signals displayed on a laptop screen to see how quickly they respond to stimulation. These tests help to determine if there’s any nerve impairment or damage. Now, I’m in no position to belittle anyone else’s phobias, but I must confess to feeling a bit resentful - they’ll give Valium to claustrophobic patients before a non-invasive MRI, but they just laugh when I suggest they might want to sedate needlephobic me prior to an EMG. “Oh, it’s not that bad,” they tell me.

I finally confessed to my husband just how apprehensive I was feeling, and suggested that if he felt inclined to come along and hold my hand, I wouldn’t object. He had another appointment across town, but promised he’d do his best to make it back in time to provide moral support. Unfortunately, I got to the doctor’s office a little early, and they took me back right on schedule! How often does that happen?

The nurse asked me to don a hospital gown, assured me that the test “wasn’t that bad,” then checked to see if my hand was warm. Warm? Fear doesn’t lead to warm hands. Fear leads to hands that are cold as a corpse. So for five minutes before the test, I had to soak my hand in a tub of hot water! I started to get chills throughout the rest of my body, but at least my hand was warm.

The doctor was pleasant and had a good sense of humor. He tried to distract me with soft music and laughter as I tried to explain to him how much more effective nitrous oxide might be. Meanwhile, the nurse was taping electrodes to various points on my arm and hand.

Zap! My fingers curled reflexively and my whole body responded with a sympathetic convulsion like a freshly-caught fish gasping for air. From the very first time I grabbed hold of one of those gags that delivers a shocking sensation when all you’re expecting is a friendly handshake, I’ve been a little leery of electric currents running through my body. It’s not exactly “painful,” but it’s not a sensation I’d seek out for kicks. The dastardly duo repeated this procedure several times, moving and re-taping the electrodes to vary the twitching in my arm and fingers. The good news? My results were “normal.” In layman’s terms, I guess a “normal” result is something in between my whole arm laying still as a dead mackerel and my hand curling up in a fist and punching the doctor in the nose. Don’t think it didn’t cross my mind. It would’ve been purely reflexive, mind you. Nothing personal.

The bad news? Since the results were normal, we got to go on to the EMG. If the results had clearly shown a problem, we might have been able to skip the next part. And to think I tried so hard to pass the first test!

Okay, so now I’m hyperventilating and the doctor is telling me to breathe. “Breathe?” I think. Sounds like some exotic foreign word. Oh, right, BREATHE. He sticks the first needle in. I whimper a little and start to tear up. I’m acting like a two-year-old. Objectively speaking, it doesn’t hurt all that much. No big deal. I’m cool. Oh, yeah - gotta remember to breathe.

The doctor finishes with the first probe and inserts the second. I can’t remember now whether it was the second or third - but the one on the inside of my forearm hurt like, well, my mother says that’s unprintable. It hurt. Twelve hours later, it still hurt.

I find I can’t breathe and talk at the same time. While he’s moving the needle around in my arm, the doctor asks, “How old are your kids?”

“Kids?” I have kids? “I don’t know,” I whimper, my voice barely audible. I don’t care, either. Just move the damned needle! “Twelve? Five? Something like that…”

“What’s your favorite radio station?” he asks.

“Oldies?” I gasp. Why do doctors always ask inane questions during unpleasant procedures?

“Okay, lift your right hand.” I comply. Anything to get this over with. “Now, move it around–” I move it around. “–see if you can pick up the Oldies station!”

I start to laugh hysterically. And cry. “You are a funny man, but I hate you, you know.”

“Almost through, and you’ll be cured of your fear of needles. Think of this as therapy!”

I’m thinking “go to hell,” and worse, but I just smile miserably. Soon we’re down to the last needle, the one he’s going to insert in my neck. He starts prepping the area with alcohol, then presses on the vertebrae one by one with his fingertips.

“Oh wait, please, stop - don’t touch me!” I turn over in a panic. The doctor assures me he’s going to insert the needle in the muscle tissue, not the spinal cord. I know that. But when you’re needlephobic, a needle you can’t see, anywhere near your spine, is twenty-five feet long and has sharp, rusty teeth.

“We can stop right now if you want to.” His voice is sympathetic. No more jokes. Oh, sure I wanted to stop, but then we’d either have incomplete results and an uncooperative patient on record, or I’d just have to muster the courage to come back and finish the blasted test.

“No, just do it and get it over with,” I mutter. I focus on trying to bite through my own lip as he slips the needle into my neck. I feel like the world’s biggest chicken.

Looking back on this whole ordeal, the probe in my neck is the one that hurt the least. I hardly felt it. And within a minute, we were done. The doctor informed me that I had some nerve compression and damage from the pressure in my neck, but no carpal tunnel syndrome. “Consistent with what the MRI showed,” he said.

“So, if the MRI showed it, then why did we just go through all this?” I asked. He explained that the MRI showed pressure on the nerve root, but didn’t show if there was nerve damage or the extent of it. As for the needlephobia, he pronounced me “cured.”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so,” I said.

“Nurse!” he called down the hall. “Schedule her for another ‘therapy’ session next week!”

“Okay, okay - I’ll lie. I’m cured. Hallelujah! You’re a miracle worker!” He smiled. I thanked him. I told him in no uncertain terms that while I thought he was a very nice, funny man and a good doctor, I hoped I never had to see him again.

Just as I was sitting up, getting ready to slip out of the gown and back into my t-shirt, my husband showed up. “In time to pick up the pieces,” as he put it. Does the man have good timing, or what? Just as well, I figured - he did show up in time to take me to a nice lunch (we hadn’t had a date in - how long?) and graciously listened to me whine about it all over again. I couldn’t very well have done that if he’d been there to witness it with his own eyes, now could I?

Holly Jahangiri is a professional writer who claims, tongue-in-cheek, to channel the spirits of Edgar Allan Poe, Erma Bombeck, and O’Henry. Holly is an author on Writing.Com (http://www.Writing.Com/), and you can buy her books at Lulu (http://www.lulu.com/hjahangiri).